Housework Holding Women Back from the Corner Office?
by Liz O’Donnell (Boston)
Who’s really keeping women out of the executive suite — the man in the boardroom or the man in the bedroom?
Women hold only 15 percent of all board seats and more than half (68 percent) of public corporations still have no women among their top compensated executives. Women are still earning, on average, only .78 cents for every dollar a man earns.
The men running companies certainly have some accountability. In addition to blatant discrimination such as pay inequity, there are also many micro inequities and hidden barriers in the workplace that affect women and challenge their opportunities for advancement. Advocates for working women say companies should adopt women-friendly policies such as mentoring programs, flexible schedules, better childcare and telecommuting programs. But all the flexibility in the word isn’t going to help if the men at home don’t adopt new policies as well.
Many women who have opted out of Corporate America in favor of part-time work, entrepreneurial endeavors, or consulting gigs, cite the challenge of managing a career and a household as the reason they’ve left. A recent study from Vanderbilt University says that women spend 53 percent more time on housework than men do. Studies from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics and the University of Michigan corroborate the fact that women do more housework and assume more childcare responsibilities than their spouses. The data points to the fact that gender inequity starts at home. This seems to be the one mess that women can’t seem to clean up.
When asked what role their husbands played in their decision to leave Corporate America, well-educated women who once held senior-level jobs but ultimately opted out get uncomfortable. Understandably so; it is much easier to be angry at the man sitting across the conference table than at the man sitting across the kitchen table.
As one former executive turned independent consultant said, “Women aren’t going to be honest.” This woman has “friends” whose husbands don’t support them fully. However, her situation, she says, is different. “It was clear in our current set up,” she told me, “that the role of the home falls on me.”
Another woman was more direct under the veil of anonymity. She says her decision to leave her job as the executive director of a state agency after the birth of her child led to a personal crisis. “I was really angry at my husband. His job required sacrifice from me, but mine didn’t require sacrifice from him.” She struggled with the decision to leave until her marriage counselor told her, “You have to quit your job.”
If professional therapists won’t even tackle the issue, how can we expect married women to address it?
Carol Frohlinger, Esq. cofounder of Negotiating Women Inc. and co-author of “Her Place at the Table: A Woman’s Guide to Negotiating Five Key Challenges to Leadership Success” says home “is the last frontier” for equality.
Working mothers are negotiating better policies at work like flexible schedules, better childcare and telecommuting programs. But they aren’t addressing the issue at home. As Frohlinger tells me, “Women negotiate all day at work but I don’t think many women are willing or able to do that at home.”
Of course, the burden of change should not fall solely, or even largely, on the women. Husbands who’ve opted out of housework need to understand the implications of women leaving the corporate world, beyond their own marriages. Women represent approximately 90 percent of consumer buying power. Businesses need their perspective at the top in order to effectively reach customers. And, women are projected to surpass men on the national payroll in 2009. These women will need full paychecks in order to help support their families and stimulate the economy.
Great article, Liz! I wrote one very much related to this for Women’s Media Center, called “Sexism: The Invisible Ism”. The link at WMC is:
https://www.womensmediacenter.com/ex/072908.html
You might want to take a look at it…I’d love to get your feedback.
Barbara
Very interesting article. You did a great job of highlighting the struggles women face as they seek equality in their marriages. I would love some ideas about how to begin negotiations in the home to bring about more equity.
How lucky am I? My husband expects to do at least 50% of housework. It’s just his attitude to things. He’s proud of me and my career and he acknowledges that he can make a big difference to my ability to meet deadlines, think through difficult decisions, and feel good about being a working mother. I rarely ask him to do anything around the house because I don’t need to… he just sees that it needs to be done and he does it. We don’t divide specific tasks between us – there is no such thing as women’s job and men’s jobs in our house. When our little one was small, he’d say that if he could breastfeed, he would. (Technically men can, and some do, breastfeed… but it’s a taboo subject and a whole other political debate and my husband didn’t breastfeed in case you were wondering). Our ironing is sent out weekly and our house is cleaned properly top to bottom each fortnight… we just keep it tidy in between and we share the cost of this getting done. Oh yeah, he cooks too, at least 3 nights a week.
I read articles like yours and I realise that in this respect, I am lucky.
I’m glad that my husband is setting such a great example to our children and unashamed about what he does around the home in his circle of friends and colleagues.
I’m not bossy with my husband. He just has an attitude of partnership with respect to our domestic arrangements. He was like that when I met him.
My boss, however, thinks its unfair that my uhsband is ‘treated this way’ and has expressed concerned for little boys whose mothers are not with them all the time. (Note, there is no concern for any little girls that have no mother with them all the time). So I guess I am an example of a woman who wins at the kitchen table but has prejudice at the board table.
The other alternative (the elephant in the room no-one has mentioned) is to leave these selfish (soemtimes pathetic) husbands rather than one’s job – you’d save on ironing their shirts, buying so much food, cleaning up so much mess, organising stuff etc etc. Remember, if you give up your career or settle for less than you derserve with a part-time role/less well paid job to fit everything in, and then in time HE leaves you, what are you going to do then? Battle for maintenance (alimony) and feel miserable? Guaranteed. Financial independence is absolutely key to real female emancipation. If a guy doesn’t buck up why should he get the benefit of having it all, a lovely home and so much done for him as well as a rewarding career? Women don’t seem to expect the same, but they should. We need to value ourselves otherwise how will anyone else value us? If a guy knew he’d lose everything if he didn’t help out more, maybe they wouldn’t be such wastrels. I don’t favour arguing with one’s spouse or becoming the classic nag – that just erodes self-esteem, and also feeds into the traditional view of how women are. He’s a grown-up and needs to be responsible – just set the situation out clearly and calmly. Assert your rights as a human being. We as educated women are responsible for changing this siutation as much as anyone. If he doesn’t respond appropriately, do you really want to be with him???!!
I can certainly relate to the stress on one’s marriage that comes from feeling inequity in household chores. I remember how angry I was at my husband when our children were little: I was working fulltime and felt the burden of the house, the entertaining, the birthday parties and the Hallowe’en costumes fell on me. After imagining him dead one day and noticing how much I relshed the thought I realized it was time to renegotiate our duties for the good of the family. He was shocked when I told him of my fantasy and suddenly realized how it was hurting our marriage. Our ensuing discussions revealed that part of the problem came from our different standards- I had to relax mine and he had to up his. I gave him rooms of the house that were his where I could just close he door and not look. Meeting one another half way is a common and necessary part of any relationship. I write about these and other women’s issues at https://stillettochick.typepad.com/blog/2009/06/ In Celebration of Women, Betty-Ann
Great article! I left a directorship & pursued a freelance writing career to have more flexibility to handle all the demands at home, but I took a tremendous cut in pay. At the time I left my former job, I felt the combined pressure of work and home was simply too much to take any longer. Nowadays, about half of the time I think I made a good choice. The rest of the time, well, it depends on the day.
Great article. I left my company to start my own business. It’s been several years now and I have a work life balance but with costs. My husband sees my job as having a more flexible time schedule. At times it does, but my business still requires my presence, brainstorming, meeting with the leadership team and producing results during regular business hours. Late last night, my husband announced that he could not meet the plumber at our home today. Usually I have a back up for me by calling a personal assistant service Fini Concierge (www.finiconcierge.com) to stand in for me to meet service calls, however it was soo last minute. Anyway, I realize I need to be more vocal with my husband and make clear my responsibilities and the need for us to share the duties. If I don’t speak up, I will hold a grudge which won’t help me or him in the long run.
Like the article a lot, its reverent to where l am now. I come from near Coventry, England, i am 41 with one grown up boy and find the same situation. I find l have to make time for house work, but l only do the basis and often eat out to save time. I have been in retail for twenty years, l have been trying to go into management. I have completed a course on Management and Leadership. Most if not all Managers are men were l work, but l have been making progress. I am now on their management program, and networking contacts with other men. But it is difficult because l am a women, they don’t want to let you into their world. Eventually l want to get into fashion, l am seriously thinking about going to university to study, as l have no qualifications that will help me pursue this.
This sounds more than a little whiney to me. We are fortunate. But we can’t have everything we want all the time. Many women struggle to put food on the table and provide a safe home for their children.