When women don’t negotiate, are too conciliatory, play the “mom” role, and so forth – all actions that are described in the article – they’re usually viewed as not strong enough, not decisive enough, and are passed over for promotions.

On the other hand, when they come across with power and conviction, they can very often be considered, as Cynthia says, bitchy, ball-busting, and cold. One of my clients was told by her manager that she should “be nicer”!

There is no easy way out, because the rules that govern gender behavior are far too ingrained to change overnight, or even over decades. However, when a woman understands the various behavior patterns that she and others around her may fall into, as well as understanding the larger context of the corporate culture in which she’s working, then she at least has tools to *see* what’s happening and *adjust* her behavior accordingly.

It’s not easy, and it’s not “fair,” but it *can* improve.

Thanks for this interesting article and the opportunity to discuss such a crucial topic!

When women apologize or hold back and let another take the lead, they may well be acting in the way they perceive as being most accepted by their audience. So, let’s not blame the women. They are trying to fit in to a male-dominated culture, and as long as that culture is not changing, they are going to have difficulty. Accepting that culture as a given and trying to make the women act more like men is not the answer.

Changing the culture takes some doing. As the experts in this article suggest, women need to take steps toward asserting themselves, but they need a culture in which they can do so safely. So, at the same time the women are trying to find ways to be both authoritative and accepted by their colleagues and superiors, workplaces need to raise awareness of the gender dynamics at play and need to put measures in place to act as a check on bias. We spend a lot of time at PAR studying these dynamics and creating practical, business-based measures to diminish bias in law firms.

Research shows that having more women in high positions tends to lessen the effects of bias and widens the median in which women can operate. With some work and a bit of luck, debates like this one will become irrelevant. Until then, though, let’s not blame the women — it demoralizes the women, lets employers off the hook, and doesn’t focus our energies where they really need to be.