A coworker of mine, Kate, recently got promoted alongside two other female coworkers, all of whom who had been at the company for the same amount of time. But suddenly, about two weeks after the promotions, there was some internal shifting within the company. Kate was moved laterally to an independent role, meaning she will be reporting to no one but herself. The other two women, on the other hand, are technically on the same level as her, but are still directly reporting to managers. It was, unsurprisingly, a rough couple of days within the department.

Kate was thrilled about this extra move – it was going to give her more time to work on her own projects, really throw herself into them, showing her talent and most likely opening doors for further promotions. For the two other women she had initially been promoted next to though, it was a moment for bitterness, a touch of understandable jealousy, and some resentment that they were not chosen. And this reaction weighed on Kate as well.

Instead of owning her promotion, being proud and excited about the extra boost, she spent the majority of her time worrying about what the other two women were thinking about her. Instead of being proud (yet modest!), what she was mostly concerned with was what the other women were saying about her, what they thought happened, and whether or not there was any way she could correct their misperceptions. Sound familiar? Why do we let lateral anxiety get us down?

You Can Be Nice and Competitive

According to Nan Mooney, author of I Can’t Believe She Did That: Why Women Betray Other Women at Work, many women in the workplace suffer from “the nice syndrome,” where, she explained, since “girls are generally taught to get along and encouraged to be nice to others…in the workforce that manifests itself as women who feel uncomfortable in direct competition with others.” Women are not taught to compete, therefore we feel we shouldn’t try to get ahead if it makes us look competitive. This isn’t right. But it seems, unfortunately, to be true.

None of these three women expressed their discontent openly. It was all expressed in hushed whispers, mumbled in cubicles, grumbled in elevators. To Kate, the anxiety and fear of having hurt someone’s feelings, or worrying that she might come off looking like a villain, was prohibiting her from being pleased that her hard work had been recognized and that she deserved the promotion she got. And frankly, even if she had marched into her office the day the internal shifting had begun and asked for the second move she got, she absolutely should have done that. She went for what she wanted in her career, and she got it, and she shouldn’t be resented for being bold and confident.

According to Mooney, competitiveness in women has traditionally seen as a “taboo subject,” and “anti-woman.” This ends up working against women, because when “women are afraid to raise a problem…it goes underground, and it comes out in a twisted way.” What we need to know is that it actually is okay to be competitive; we shouldn’t feel sneaky about it. In fact, Mooney’s research proves that women are equally as competitive as men, we just unfortunately express it in a detrimental way, so as not to destroy the illusion that women “shouldn’t” be competitive. We perpetuate our own stereotype.

Overcoming Risk Aversion

But the aversion to appearing competitive should not be considered a mere side effect of some “mean girls” phenomenon. It also to applies to interactions with our male coworkers and to our managers as well.

For example, anxiety over telling your boss you’re looking for a lateral move in your company can make your job shift that much more difficult. It can be hard to tell a manager you like and respect that you’re not completely happy with your position.

Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne would probably attribute these anxieties in part to one gender gap that exists in the workplace: “risk aversion.” In a recent Psychology Today article, she explained that women will avoid confrontation and “risky” situations or suggestions like presenting bold ideas, asking for a raise, voicing opposition. She wrote:

“A female employee’s risk aversion can have a host of negative consequences. She is less likely to risk her boss’s disapproval by asking for a raise.  She’s less willing to make risky business decisions. Her supervisors see her as lacking in the cut-throat entrepreneurial skills that will lead her to seek new and potentially lucrative investments or striking out in new directions with bold ideas.”

Is it worth risking fulfilling a career goal just to avoid a certain reputation? Of course not.

On a personal note, I recently took my own advice and made a huge step in telling my manager I was considering moving on. As scary as it was, it couldn’t have gone better. Did I feel unbelievably relieved and appreciative of the support he gave me for being so upfront? You bet I did! But I’m still not completely cured of risk aversion. Getting over lateral anxiety is a slow process, but at least I’ve made a start.

When was the last time you asked for help at work? If you can’t recall, or if the answer is never, you may be very comfortable in your position and are confident in the work you produce. But there’s more to your career than being good at your job. Don’t be afraid of appearing incompetent or unqualified or putting others in an awkward position. If you haven’t sought out help regarding career progression, dealing with staff, dealing with managers, managing work-life issues, exploring career paths, or any other topic of importance, you’ll need to let that mindset go. Asking for and accepting help can mean career advancement. Here’s why.

1. Asking for help shows you want to do the best job possible.

If you have given a good shot on your own, but want to ask someone for their input on a challenging task, you’re just being thorough. It isn’t incompetence if you’ve already put in a solid effort. Good, insightful questions show you are paying attention and you are informed.

“I believe that, ultimately, career advancement comes from getting to a good answer, getting the work done, and getting the work done right and on time,” says Rhonda L. Lessard, FSA, MAAA, Head of Medical Cost Analytics at Aetna. “If you need to get help to do so, then it supports that goal. If avoiding help means that a poor answer results, or that the work is substandard or late, then failure to ask for help has indeed impeded your career.”

If you are producing good work in a timely manner, it will advance the department and your career development. Consider the alternative: not asking for help when you should be “can be very unfortunate when it stands in the way of producing good work,” says Lessard, who oversees a staff of nearly 100 and answers many career-related questions on a regular basis. “We can’t all know everything, but we all know something and have certain skills that can be, in essence, traded with those around us for the knowledge and skills that they have.”

2. Asking for help will allow you to build important relationships.

Good relationships, including those in the workplace, are about give and take. Lessard says, “I encourage all of my teams to openly offer assistance to anyone who reaches out to them, because one day we will need it in return.” When we learn to accept help from others and can offer it in return, we are helping build each other’s career by growing our network of support. Think of it like networking.

“By modeling that we are stronger together, that internally we work collaboratively, I hope to instill this belief in (my staff) and keep us all talking to each other,” continues Lessard. “We are stronger together, we get to better answers together, we win together, we are a team, and a team helps each other.”

3. Asking for help shows you are comfortable with yourself.

Confidence is very much about letting someone else show you the way on occasion. It’s a sign of strength, saying ‘I have a respect for your opinions and wisdom’ and ‘you probably have a solution to this.’ It’s allowing someone else to contribute, which is flattering, and shows that you aren’t too proud to ask. You can bet that confidence is one of the characteristics your boss will be looking for when she considers your next promotion.

Tips on Asking for Help

“Asking for help is a tricky thing,” admits Lessard, because “you want to drive to the best answer while developing your own knowledge base, but without seeming like you are not the right person for the job in the first place.” Here are a few things to consider when asking for help.

• Be respectful of others’ time and try to ask questions at the appropriate levels. E-mail your boss to say “who can I ask?” It comes across as being respectful of her time, so you aren’t always relying on her.
• Find a balance. “For a person’s own development, she will be better served in trying to work through to the answer herself than by asking for help over and over again,” says Lessard.
• Request time on someone’s calendar to discuss. Lessard suggests that, when reaching out to someone you don’t know, an e-mail outlining the request is most appreciated. A face-to-face meeting to get to know them to read their reactions and whether they understand everything is also encouraged. “For smaller requests,” says Lessard, “especially from people I already know, I’m happy to take requests via e-mail so that I can answer them at my convenience.” If questions and answers go back and forth, Lessard’s general rule of thumb is that after three replies, “it’s time to pick up the phone or set up time dedicated to discuss.”
• Don’t forget the importance of sharing credit with those who help you.

One last thing to consider is that your job should always have a challenge factor. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t have the same drive to do the best job possible, and your work quality would likely suffer. As Lessard explains, “If I strive to keep my staff working just outside of their knowledge comfort zone, that will help them to maximize their own development and therefore the productivity and effectiveness of our whole department.”

Don’t shy away from asking for help. Done right, asking for help can mean stronger relationships, increased confidence, and doing an even better job than you thought possible on your own. Asking for help can be a major factor in your career advancement.

Recently More Magazine released the results of a survey on ambition, work/life issues, and other topics. According to the survey of 500 college educated women over 35, 43% of respondents said they were less ambitious now than they were ten years ago.

The headline that many news outlets and websites ran with was along the lines of “Women are Losing Ambition.”

Well, not exactly.

In fact, the survey revealed quite the opposite. Because, while 43% of the survey respondents said they were less ambitious now than they were ten years ago, the majority (57%) said they were just as or more ambitious today.

I repeat: the majority of women in the survey said they were just as or more ambitious now than they were 10 years ago. Amazing what insight you can gain by shifting your perspective.

It is curious that so many ambitious women’s voices (the majority!) have been ignored. Why is it easier to pretend that ambitious women don’t exist?

Flexibility and Ambition – Not Mutually Exclusive

More reports that “92% consider flexibility to be important in a job – up from 73% in 2009.” The survey also revealed “65% of Women say it’s more important to have time in their lives than to make more money at their jobs.” And, “40% of women would take a pay cut for more flexibility.”

But calls for more flexibility do not mean that women are less driven by their careers.

We shouldn’t misconstrue a desire for flexibility with a lack of ambition. That’s just the kind of confusion that blockades career advancement and drives women out when workplaces can’t or won’t work around their needs. When we begin equating flex scheduling with a lack of ambition, we justify career-derailing mommy-track work cultures.

In fact, we should look at the growing desire for flexibility as an indication that women increasingly want to stay in the workforce. Rather than “opt out” when personal responsibilities demand time and attention, the women surveyed are looking to their employers to work with them and create a pathway for maintaining their career trajectory.

In an interview with Amy Levin-Epstein at CBS MoneyWatch, Jennifer Braunschweiger, deputy editor of More, said, “… [the results] also said that women who want a career and a life are ambitious in a different way. That’s what’s interesting – valuing time over money may signal a shift in ambition, and the beginning of a more nuanced definition of success, one that takes into account the many facets of a woman’s life.”

Women are looking to establish new ways to achieve their dreams, and that doesn’t mean obeying an antiquated “up or out” regimen. It also doesn’t mean they are any less ambitious than before.

Age and Ambition

At the same time, a study revealing that 43% of women say they have lost ambition over the course of a decade is notable and certainly worth discussing in a generational context. But should it really be surprising that individuals over 35 report being less ambitious than their starry-eyed 25-year-old selves?

Existing generational data around this issue may serve to clarify the More research. For example, a recent Kelly OGG study of 97,000 people from the Americas, APAC, and EMEA showed that Gen Y workers were significantly more ambitious than their more experienced colleagues. Based on their own data, Kelly’s researchers said we shouldn’t attribute this downward trend in ambition to particular generational groups (i.e. Gen Y, Gen X, Baby Boomers, etc.), as much as an outcome of general aging and gaining experience.

The report explains:

“While most people aspire to move up the organizational hierarchy and advance their careers, it’s clear that traditional ambition decreases with age.

“Although eight in ten Gen Y’s aspire to become executives, less than three-quarters of Gen X’ers and a little more than half of Baby Boomers feel the same desire to climb the corporate ladder.

“Juggling competing priorities, as well as gaining a better understanding of what is required to secure and maintain senior positions, are undoubtedly factors that contribute to this decrease as we age. Yet, it seems age could also be encouraging people to think more holistically about their careers.”

Age and experience play a huge role in how individuals feel about getting to the next level, as well as their strategies for getting there. Of course, there is gender pressure on women’s attitudes toward advancement potential. But implying that a loss of ambition is mainly the result of a desire for flexibility isn’t just wrong – it’s damaging.

Last week, BritishAmerican Business Women’s Network hosted a discussion on how women can access promotion opportunities in the tumultuous economic atmosphere. The panel, hosted by KPMG, featured Ana Duarte McCarthy, Managing Director and Chief Diversity Officer, Citi; Claudia Saran, Practice Leader – People & Change, KPMG LLP; Lareina Yee, Partner, McKinsey & Company; and was moderated by Leann Balbona, KPMG Network of Women Leader, Managing Director, Tax – International Executive Services, KPMG LLP.

Yee opened the event event with an overview of McKinsey’s Women Matter [PDF] report, which measured the views on gender diversity of about 1,500 business leaders globally. “There are enormous reasons to be very proud of where we are and be happy with the progress we’ve made.”

But, Yee said, we shouldn’t rest on our laurels just yet. For example, she explained, without the advances women have made in the workplace since the 1970s, today’s GDP would be 25% smaller. How much bigger could it be if we achieved gender parity in leadership? Considering the current economic circumstances, this question is growing ever more salient.

“The contribution of women undoubtedly matters,” she said. “If we’re going to get out of this economic funk, we’re going to need them. And we’re going to need them for a long time.”

Women and Ambition

It has been suggested that one reason women aren’t making it to the top ranks of companies in large numbers is simply because they don’t want to be there. But, Yee said, the survey showed that’s simply not the case – women are indeed ambitious and want to advance in their careers. “More than 52% [of women] at the mid management level said ‘I want to go to the next level,” she explained. “But only 26% are actually making it to VP roles.”

This brings up the issue of attraction and retention, Saran continued. Saran, who has worked to build diversity programs in several companies, said, unfortunately, there is no silver bullet when it comes to patching a leaky pipeline of female talent. “The root cause is often in their culture, their strategy, their history. When they want to fix it, there’s not a generic answer.”

Women want to climb to the top levels, but, said Balbona, they often lack confidence in themselves. “Men apply for a job when they may not have 100% of the qualifications, but the women ticks off every one before applying.”

Yee pointed out that McKinsey’s research revealed a good reason for this phenomenon. When considering women for promotion, leaders “tend to rate women on performance, and men on potential,” she said. Interviews for the study revealed other issues, for example, business leaders said promoting women was “risky.” Additionally, managers said they didn’t know how to give feedback to women, and senior males were concerned about perceptions around traveling with women for business. They also reported not being sure women would want to travel for work if they had children – and, we can assume, don’t always bother asking.

Leading with a Yes

Duarte McCarthy pointed out that in addition to encouraging companies to provide better training and programs to improve gender diversity, there are things women can do as well to improve their prospect for promotion. “What are the things we do?” she asked. “There is a sense of risk aversion. Are we leading with a yes? Or are we self censoring?”

She added, “Part of what we can own is taking that step and leading with a yes.”

Saran agreed that there are ways women can help themselves when it comes to getting to the next level. “When you think about your own team and how you promote people on potential, you have to know who they are – they have to have visibility.”

She continued, “Their performance you can get from metrics. But for someone to weigh in on your potential, they’ve got to know you.”

She recalled how earlier in her career she often assumed her work would speak for itself. “That’s dumb!” she exclaimed as the audience laughed. Women can increase their visibility by reorienting their career toward their passion. She explained, “When you strive too hard for a title, that can be a poison, an ankle weight. Think about what is your passion. I want my input to be heard and I want to have an impact on this organization.”

When you start working to achieve you passion – rather than just for advancement itself, “that visibility will come along,” she said.

Duarte McCarthy added that Citi has focused on building a sponsorship program to help women achieve that level of visibility that can boost them to the next level. She explained that sponsorship works best when it’s grows from an organic relationship, but nevertheless, 40% of the women in Citi’s program have moved to bigger jobs, and 95% of them have been retained.

“We’re asking women themselves to help women. We’re invested in them and we want them to [pass that help down],” she explained. “It makes a difference.”

Saran said that another issue women face is that they become so good at their jobs that it’s hard for managers to see anyone else in the role – and avoid promoting them as a result. “If you’re concerned about advancement, think about succession planning for your own role. …It would behoove you to to say, ‘let me cultivate some people who can take my job so I can do some other things.’”

Everyone with any interviewing experience knows that before an interview you must do some research. Look into the company or organization you are interviewing with. Learn their mission and their interests. Read about the position that is available. Study as much as you can about the bosses and supervisors. While most everyone knows to prepare for an interview, many still fail to prepare for one crucial part. At any interview an interviewer is going to ask if you have any questions. You should always have some prepared and educated questions to ask your employer. Looking for a job is a stressful time in any individual’s life.

But with the pressure to land the position and get the paycheck, many interviewees fail to remember that an interview is a two way process. You are interviewing your potential employer just as much as that potential employer is interviewing you. The following are five essential questions every interviewee should ask during an interview.

1. How does this position fit into the company’s long-term plans? This question opens up an important line of thought during an interview. With this an employer will recognize your interest in the company’s growth and future. A question like this can also help communicate to your potential employer that you are driven. You are interested in succeeding and excelling at this position and would like to understand your future place within the company. Moreover, this question opens up a general discussion of the company’s business goals and strategy. With this question you should try to be specific. Ask what the company has planned for the position in six months, a year, and five years. You can use this question to both show your interest in the company and gauge your employer’s interest in the company.

2. What does success in the position look like? While this question can be a little uncomfortable to approach at times, it is important that you gain an understanding of what the position you are interviewing for really entails. Asking what success is defined as for the position, helps you determine what kind of boss you are applying to. Listen to what the interview has to say about succeeding in that position to learn what kind of worker they specifically are looking for.

3. How would you describe your ideal candidate? This question asks your interviewer to envision you in the position he or she is describing. You can learn exactly what your interviewer is looking for in a candidate and then highlight the qualities you have that match. Let your interviewer explain specific qualities they are looking for and then take the opportunity to describe yourself performing those specific qualities. While this may sound a little corny, but it allows your potential employer to imagine you performing the job successfully. Furthermore, use this question as an opportunity for you to decide if you are truly compatible with the position you are interviewing for.

4. How do you expect this position to support you? As we all know, interviews are all about talking about yourself and selling yourself. This question allows the interviewer to take some of the spotlight. Your interviewer will appreciate the interest you have in their individual interests for the positions. This question helps translate to the interviewer that you are there to be his or her aid and support. You are interested in succeeding at this position for yourself and for others within the company. This can be particularly important for individuals applying to management and supervisory positions. When it is a position of power that is being interviewed for, potential employers like to know that you are comfortable working as a leader and that you are able to be led. This question communicates to your interviewer that you are willing to both learn and teach.

5. What is the biggest challenge facing the organization today? This broader minded question removes the conversation from specific details concerning the position available and moves to an exploration of the company’s strategies and business objectives. When an interviewee asks this question, it communicates an interest in the company as a whole as well as an interest in improvement and growth. With this you can see and discuss the larger picture at hand. Particularly important for managerial positions, this question demonstrates an interest in more than just the 9 to 5 aspects of the job. With this you display that you are interested in the company on a larger scale. Take this opportunity to explain how you might contribute to remedying this challenge. Of course, you do not want to sound condescending or big headed, but communicating some ideas for bettering the company will set you apart from others candidates.

Mariana Ashley is a freelance writer who particularly enjoys writing about online colleges. She loves receiving reader feedback, which can be directed to mariana.ashley031@gmail.com.

Recently Business and Professional Women’s Foundation launched a project to build a framework through which to view the choices Gen X and Gen Y women make in the workplace – the Young Careerist Project. And last week, BPW Foundation released the results of its focus groups on Gen Y women specifically.

Dr. Sheila Barry-Oliver, BPW Foundation Board of Trustees and Research & Education Committee Chair, explained why this research is important. She said, “Women represent 46% of the Generation Y workforce, which by 2025 will represent 42% of the US workforce. Given the size of this segment of the future workforce, it is critical that employers understand the career choices and challenges of Generation Y women, which are different from prior generations. With this insight, employers can adjust their policies as necessary to ensure the pipeline of talented women remains robust and thus maximize the contribution of Gen Y women to the US economy.”

She continued, “We believe that our initial qualitative research provides some insight but we are following up with a detailed online survey to gain greater insight.”

Young Careerist Project research consultant Kara Nichols Barrett explained, “We asked ‘how does Gen Y define work and work/life balance, perceive intergenerational workplace dynamics, and experience gender in the workplace.’”

Nichols Barrett continued, “I would describe Gen Y women as anxious super-women. We’ve been told all along that we can do anything, and yet we recognize that there are limits, and the workplace is still different for men and women.”

As these women begin to take on more responsibilities in the workforce, the information revealed by the Young Careerist focus groups can provide valuable advice for managing, mentoring, and developing them into effective leaders.

1. Provide generation-specific networking opportunities. “Surprisingly, as a Gen Y women myself, listening to their perspectives helped me understand my own perspectives in the workplace,” Nichols Barrett explained.

Providing opportunities for Gen Y women to network with one another can help them talk through the uncertainties they may have about their own careers, and make headway on achieving their own career ambitions.

2. Understand that Gen Y women have a different definition of balance. “Gen Y women pursue life, not work/life balance, and they feel that work is an integral part of that life. Once you understand those workplace assumptions, you begin to understand how they evaluate work opportunities,” Nichols Barrett said.

According to Nichols Barrett, Gen Y men and women are looking for job opportunities or work styles that enable them to live their lives the way they want, and companies need to recognize this going forward.

3. Build a better dialogue with more senior women. Nichols Barrett reported that in focus groups, Gen Y women expressed significant admiration for the viewpoints of their more experienced colleagues and managers. Yet focus groups with managers revealed that these same more experienced colleagues felt that Gen Y women were ignoring advice, bordering on being disrespectful.

She explained, “We saw a lot of disconnects, but employers can help Gen Y women and older colleagues engage one another. The gaps can be bridged, but the generations have to learn to communicate better.”

4. Anticipate a drive for a new workforce infrastructure. According to the report, managers can expect to be challenged on the way workplaces are structured. Nichols Barrett said, “This is not just particular to Gen Y women, but Gen Y men as well. They are pushing for changes in the workplace and asking, ‘why are we doing things the way they are being done now? Why do we have to work nine to five?’”

She continued, “They are challenging and questioning the way work is done and asking how it could be done.”

As a result, she said, “We are seeing an increase in the number of young women who are moving into entrepreneurship, saying, ‘if the workplace isn’t going to change, then I’ll create my own.’ I think that will continue.”

If today’s top companies want to retain this highly educated and motivated group, they will have to make changes in the way work is structured and managed.

5. Understand that Gen Y women view their careers as a lattice instead of a ladder. “The key to retaining these women is critically engaging women – not assuming they want some elaborate workplace policy or program that may not meet their needs, but sitting down and exploring their needs as part of a roundtable setting,” Nichols Barrett advised.

One of the things the Young Careerist discussions revealed is that Gen Y women are not necessarily viewing their career as a matter of climbing the ladder to the top. “One of the best practices we discovered was Deloitte’s Mass Career Customization program – that there’s not one ladder, but our careers adapt to the realities of life.”

She continued, “There is the growing recognition that this isn’t just a Gen Y issue, but a workforce issue. The business case for reshaping how work is structured exists.”

Are you a Gen Y Woman? In 15 minutes you can help BPW Foundation with the next phase of research – by taking this survey.

She continued, “We know that’s not the case.”

Manzano-Diaz spoke Monday afternoon the National Council for Research on Women’s panel discussion on building the pipeline of women for leadership in the public, private, and non profit sectors. Linda Basch, President of the NCRW explained, “Today we’re exploring a particularly vexing problem… the stalled pipeline to women’s leadership.”

“When I run into young women today… many think the world is their oyster and that anything is possible,” she continued. “But a few years out, I see some frustrated and demoralized young women.”

Statistics show that females are outpacing males at almost every level during their education. Yet, women drop off the career path in their early 30s in startling numbers. The result is that only about 15-18% of leadership roles in the United States are held by women. The panel discussed possible reasons why larger numbers of women are not making it to the top layers of the leadership pyramid, while highly educated and capable women are in no short supply at its base.

One key issue panelists settled on is resilience – that today’s young women are unprepared to face adversity.

Storming Barricades and Subtle Biases

Debora Spar, President of Barnard College, moderated Monday’s panel, which included Ed Gilligan, Vice Chairman at American Express; Annalisa Jenkins, Senior Vice President, Global Health, Bristol-Myers Squibb; Ruth J. Simmons; Ruth J. Simmons, President, Brown University; and Susan Sturm, George M. Jaffin Professor of Law and Social responsibility, Columbia University Law School.

Spar laid out the problem: “…the pipeline is no longer jammed for any good reasons – reasons that we can clearly understand.” She explained that in the 40s and 50s the barriers to women in leadership were clearly obvious – women weren’t permitted to top colleges, they were prohibited from networks of power, they were openly barred from holding top positions. Those obstacles have been knocked out. But the leadership ranks are still not filled with women.

She continued, “My generation has not achieved anything close to equity. Women in their 20s and 30s are dropping out of the pipeline at roughly the same rates as my generation did.”

“We can’t storm the barricades anymore. We are dealing with much more subtle problems.” Spar pointed out that today’s issues are much more insidious and revolve around embedded biases – which are much more difficult problems to solve.

One of the issues, according to Simmons, is the “gold star” phenomenon. Girls are praised throughout their education for doing as they’re told – for being compliant. When women in the workplace dare to ask for raises or promotions, to come back to the workforce after taking time off for family responsibilities, to stand up for themselves, they face disproportionate resistance. And they don’t know how to overcome it.

Teaching Resilience – Not Compliance

Sturm said, “Too many young people, women as well, are asking themselves, ‘how can I make it happen for myself? What are the hoops and how do I jump through them?’”

She continued, “When the hoops seem to high, they opt out.”

“Coming from the gold star generation, when the performance review is not stellar, they’re crushed. How do you teach resilience without sending them to the Navy?” Spar asked Jenkins, who, before joining Bristol-Myers Squibb, was the first female physician in the British Royal Navy ever to serve at the front line in conflict.

Jenkins said that women spend too much time seeking perfection – they should realize that they don’t always have to be the best to get to the top. She said, “They feel they have to be 200% more brilliant than the most brilliant guy in the room.”

She said focusing on soft skills can help women develop resilience and leadership skills – in essence, companies should help women find ways to work smart rather than work hard.

Simmons said she believed failure is an important part of resilience. “Resilience is mostly about experience. How can you be resilient without experiencing failure? You can’t. You need someone to tell you you’re going to fail.”

She continued, “I tell students, both male and female, that I hope failure of them. They’re not always going to succeed. And I hope they can pick themselves up.”

Gilligan agreed. He said, “Resilience is confidence. Confidence is learning success and failure. Most managers don’t know how to deal when someone underneath them fails.” He suggested that the best managers are those who know how to provide a soft landing when expectations are missed – and that providing that soft landing can help build stronger leaders. He said, “How you recover defines you as a leader.”

Women face a variety of obstacles in their efforts to advance to upper management. The majority of upper management are made up of men, and bosses tend to promote people like themselves. The absence of performance feedback, mentoring and formal career guidance can further hinder women’s career progression. Below is a guide to the five questions women need to ask in order to get the next promotion.

How Do I Talk About My Strengths?

Bragging is often seen as a dirty word, but effective self-promotion can significantly help you land a coveted job or advancement. Due to cultural factors, many women are uncomfortable with taking credit for their accomplishments and fear that touting themselves may backfire.

During job interviews, for instance, men are much better than women at crisply describing what differentiates them. Women should know what the choice assignments are, speak up for them, and let influential people know what they’ve done.

How Do I Make My Intentions Crystal Clear?

There are several key points when a woman’s career can be jeopardized—for instance, when she gets married or pregnant, or when she takes a maternity leave. At these critical points, it is a good idea to make it clear that you’re going to return. Have a top performance record and make your goals known to your superiors.

Women have to guide their own careers and not expect their manager – or manager’s manager—to do that for them. You have to stand out and let it be known the kind of job you are doing and what you want to do in the future.

Unlike their male counterparts, research shows that many professional women tend to think in terms of immediate job fulfillment instead of long-range career ambitions. By the time they really hunker down, they have developed a task-oriented style that can make their transition into middle management bumpy. Women are often assumed to take criticism personally and that they won’t delegate well.

It is important not to let anybody make career-damaging assumptions about you and your career. Back up your words with actions that illustrate your commitment. If you want an overseas assignment, for instance, you need to be particularly vocal in expressing your interest during meetings and performance reviews. You can find mentors with foreign experience, assignments that require international travel and project teams that include foreign divisions. And you must aggressively address managers’ concerns.

Getting to the top requires setting goals and preserving – along with a willingness to seek stretch assignments that challenge and yield broader experiences.

How Can I Communicate Better?

Research shows that women sometimes use too many words to deliver serious messages, tend to downplay their contributions and undermine themselves by using qualifiers and other vague language. Other communication pitfalls include phrasing statements as questions and using an upward inflection at the end of statements, which indicates doubt.

How do I network?

Women tend to build relationships based on friendships with like-minded individuals. Women may not be as skilled as men in building a broader, if shallower, network of colleagues and contacts. Men learn from a young age the concept of reciprocity—“you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours”—which helps them make casual connections that are overtly transactional yet powerful, because both parties benefit. Women, by contrast, don’t like to impose on friends and so must be coached to think about strategic alliances.

To be effective leaders, women can tap into their relationship-building strengths. The ability to develop deep, authentic connections can help women find mentors and sponsors to advance their careers and provide counsel.

How Do I Approach Mentoring?

Success requires a careful navigation through murky waters—avoiding dead-end staff jobs, improvising in childcare crises and excelling at gender politics.

Aim to build your own board of mentors. Modeled after a corporate board of directors, this means forming an advisory panel of experts from inside and outside your firm. Expect the composition of the board to keep changing. At one stage of your career, for example, you may want a more career-aggressive mentor. At another stage, you may want a woman who has been through the experience of balancing family and career.

When it comes to building that board, mentors can come from outside your workplace and even your industry. Happy hunting grounds include alumni groups, professional societies (particularly women’s professional groups), and community groups. Many larger companies have in-house women’s forums or women’s networks.

As a mentee, try to act like an equal with something to give as well as get. For example, you may offer a view from the frontlines to a senior manager or some up-to-date technical expertise to an older co-worker.

Thought Leadership is creative, progressive and often full of risks as you need your team to follow through on your vision, whether it is the next innovation of a product or just a process that needs to be improved.

“If you’re scared of offending people, don’t be a thought leader,” said Nicki Gilmour, Founder and Publisher of The Glass Hammer at a panel discussion on thought leadership.

The event hosted by Barclays Capital’s Women’s Initiative Network and the YWCA of the City of New York was entitled “How to be a Thought Leader.” Along with Gilmour, the panel featured Carol Hymowitz, Editorial Director for ForbesWoman, and Barbara Jones, Editorial Director of Hyperion Books and VOICE. The event was moderated by Monica Hanson, Head of Financial Institutions Debt Capital Markets at Barclays Capital.

By the end of the discussion, Hanson summed up what makes a thought leader: freedom from worry about criticism, energy to put your plans in motion, and the intellectual curiosity to think about how the status quo could be better and to come up with innovative new ideas.

Yes, all of these things do describe thought leaders – plus the ability to effectively communicate your ideas and plans.

As Gilmour said, “You do have to have an appetite for risk.”

Sticking Your Neck Out for What You Believe

Convincing others to follow you requires a few key traits – good ideas, good communication skills, and a proven ability to deliver on commitments – credibility. But in the end, it all comes down to risk and respect.

When you take a big risk to put your big idea into motion, your energy and passion and commitment to your idea convinces the people who respect you to come on board, and make that risk with you. When that big risk delivers, they’ll respect you more as a leader. As their respect for you grows, so does your confidence and ability to undertake risky endeavors. It’s a big risk-respect feedback loop.

Not every risk delivers the outcome you intended though. But, as Jones said, “If people know what your point of view is, your authentic voice, your values, they will come back to you.” True leadership takes vision, the ability to see the whole picture. The risk you take sits on a broad spectrum of negative and positive outcomes.

While you may fear the outcome if you fail, Gilmour said, “don’t dwell on it. What if you do really well?”

Leadership in Practice – Risk and Innovation

Risk, respect, communication, innovation – these are all big ideas. And as Hymowitz said at the Barclays Capital panel, “You can’t just be sitting around with grand ideas.” The real risk and respect one gains as a leader comes from putting ideas into practice.

We asked one of our heroes, Marie Wilson, President and Founder of The White House Project, to tell us her thoughts on leadership. She recalled an example of when she took a risk that paid off, affirming her status as a true leader.

She said, “Over 12 years ago, when we launched The White House Project, we convened a group of thought leaders from various fields to help us with how we tackled our mission to advance women’s leadership, especially in politics. We convened a group of thought leaders: Kathleen Hall Jamieson, former Dean of the University of Pennsylvania’s Annenberg School of Communications; playwright Wendy Wasserstein; and George Stephanopolis were among the group. Kathleen was clear that we had to ‘change the perception of women as leaders.’ This general direction set our work on a trail of a cutting edge thought leadership concept, beginning with consultant Tom Cosgove’s idea of a ballot that would be broadly distributed and that would feature twenty diverse women who could be president. Americans would be asked to ‘vote’ for their choice, and the winners would be featured on the front of Parade Magazine.”

She continued, “This venture was cutting edge because it took a multidisciplinary approach that is now de rigeur in our current 24-hour news cycle, with blogging and social media being the way that most people under 35 get their news. But over a decade ago, this endeavor involved innovation, risk taking, using the media and taking on the many critics who said how embarrassed women would be to see themselves on such a ballot.”

But they took the risk, and did it anyway. Wilson explained, “Trusting in our own thought leadership, and Kathleen Jamieson’s mandate that the perception of women leaders needed to be changed, we did it anyway, and it started a national conversation about women, the presidency and leadership. In the end, the only disgruntled folks were the women who called to ask why they were NOT on this ballot.”

Wilson said she’s proud of the risk they took – even over a decade later. And it’s certainly changed the game for women in leadership. She said, “Since then ‘thought leadership,’ pushing the envelope, paying attention to trends, and coming up with new ways of framing issues affecting women and girls, have been some of the most effective ways to use new thinking to change the perception of women leaders in this country.”

She concluded with a note about the value of new technology for spurring innovation and building leaders:

“This has been a movement that I have been a part of, and that I now see is fueled by the incredible opportunities blogging and connecting to constituencies via social media has opened up. The conversation about women leaders can be constant, and our thought leadership about how to achieve a critical mass of women in leadership across sectors in this country can be disseminated wider than we ever imagined when we started TWHP. From now on thought leadership is tied in to technological innovation in the media and I for one, am grateful for the opportunity to be a part of it!”

At The Glass Hammer’s recent panel on women in IT, several of the women spoke on the importance of taking calculated risks in order to get to the next level career-wise. But many women have a problem “sticking their neck out” and taking that big assignment. Why? Is it related a physiological or body-chemistry factor? Or is it about cultural conditioning?

One one hand, a 2009 study revealed that women with more testosterone take more risks than women with less testosterone. Maybe that’s a sign that risk-taking is related to physiology – and Sheila Kolhatkar’s NY Magazine article “What if Women Ran Wall Street” references several studies in favor of a physiological basis for risk-taking behavior. On the other hand, as Kolhatkar writes:

“[no one] would argue that all men are aggressive, egotistical, and stubborn—or that all women are conservative, rational, and levelheaded. And being reductionist about hormones and gender is a sure way to misjudge a complicated individual.”

Acknowledging that there are other factors at play in risk taking skills (like cultural, workplace, or family influence) means we can seek out ways to become better risk takers – and reach new levels of success in our careers. Here are our top five ways to nurture your ability to take risks.

1. Don’t be afraid of showing ambition

Anna Fels article in the Harvard Business Review “Do Women Lack Ambition?” says that women often demure from showing ambition.. She asserts that “far from celebrating their achievements in newly available professions, women too frequently seek to deflect attention from themselves,” – which can be a barrier to being recognized for the work they achieve and hinder their chances of promotion or advancement.

Tooting your own horn is a way to let coworkers and managers alike know what you have achieved. It doesn’t mean bragging, but listing what work was accomplished and the personal role in the process. Whitney Johnson of the Harvard Business Review also writes that having a conversation with a professional colleague about your current projects can help. “Reciting our accomplishments to another person who’s in the trenches is the emotional equivalent of saying our name,” she says. Simply doing high-caliber work cannot produce the proper recognition for accomplishments – your coworkers and bosses need to know about it.

2. Keep your plan in mind

According to a study by Catalyst [PDF] career planning was the third most important thing professionals consider when advancing their career. This includes “developing a long-term career plan, participating in career-related training, and proactively seeking a variety of assignments to increase both knowledge and skills.”

Mauricio Velasquez, from Diversity Training Group emphasizes that women should know what they want, and clearly define their goals and priorities. Keeping career goals in mind continuously can help keep women on track and more aggressive about their work. The HBR stresses that “to sustain their ambitions, women must formulate life plans that include the potential for receiving earned recognition…be based on talent, skill, or work.”

3. Communicate and get feedback

The Catalyst study [PDF], found that that seeking out performance and job-related information, to improve skills and better understand the workplace, was the most important unspoken rule about business according to 97 percent of the people surveyed. By reviewing mistakes and receiving feedback, women can identify skill gaps and what they can do differently – and better prepare themselves for their next career leap.

Professor Monica McGrath from the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania says engaging others in personal learning helps keep an accurate picture of strengths and weaknesses. Learning to receive feedback is vital to ascertaining how effective a person is within their workplace – and by receiving affirmation of your skills, you can feel more confident about career risks and opportunities on the horizon.

4. Network

According to a Catalyst study [PDF], women are more concerned with visibility than their male counterparts. Asking people for feedback on their own performance and then acting on those recommendations can improve credibility and provide opportunities for more projects. Increasing visibility within a company was the fourth highest unwritten rule cited for career advancement

Selena Rezvani, author of The Next Generation of Women Leaders, writes that the key to networking is verbalizing interests and goals to better ensure people will respond to you. Just like a resume, networking is about leaving an open ending. This means that people will be more likely to contact you in the future and also conveys your level of interest in the field. Rezvani emphasizes that this includes developing strong relationships with others in the company, focusing on those individuals with high authority. A network means a safety net – other individuals to back you up when you take a calculated leap.

5. Get a mentor

In a study of female CEOs conducted by Eastern Illinois University, nearly two thirds said they had a mentor. This is someone to guide, to bounce ideas off of, to network with, and to nudge you in the right direction. It was found that executives who have mentors are also more likely to be promoted. The key [PDF] is to “learn by asking supervisors and mentors about what is needed to succeed and using that feedback to understand what is important and valued in the organization.”

Not sure if you should take that next big risky opportunity? Ask your mentor. He or she can serve as a great resource or counselor as you consider a risky move.

Even though there are biological factors influencing risk, these factors don’t have to define your career. By making smart career choices and recognizing opportune risks, women can achieve more career success and get to the next level!