In a recent Harvard Business Review article, author and managing partner of Schaffer Consulting Ron Ashkenas delves into an important subject: what happens when you get promoted and your relationship with co-workers must change from that of peer to boss?

This is not an unusual scenario. A common refrain is to be good to everyone because you never know who will be your next boss. The issue, Ashkenas points out, is that there’s no guidebook for how to navigate this uncomfortable and incredibly awkward situation.

According to Kim Zilliox, an executive coach with almost 20 years of experience, the bottom line is that once you are promoted, that is your primary responsibility. This does not mean that you can’t remain friends with your reports, but you will need to look at what needs to change when it comes to how you interact with your former peers. How will you ensure you are not making your other reports feel uncomfortable? How will you make sure you remain objective about your previous colleague’s work? There are no easy answers, but excellent communication is critical.

Communication is Key

In Zilliox’s role as vice president of leadership development at Women’s Leadership Coaching, her clients routinely deal with shifting work relationships. Zilliox has blogged about this topic in the past, but recently pointed out that any person interested in moving to positions of greater responsibility will eventually transition from peer to boss and the important thing to remember is that it doesn’t have to be awkward. Whether or not the transition goes smoothly hinges on current relationships, personalities, and most importantly, everyone’s ability to communicate.

“What I find helps most in this situation is for both parties to sit down and talk about how the relationship may look different from this point on,” Zilliox said. “How will communication change? What expectations will now be in place? Logistically, will spending time together- lunch, coffee, et cetera – look differently? Will conversations in public look differently? I recommend looking at a typical day or week to see how touch points have been in the past and then look to see how they might be different in the future. Again, if this can be discussed between the two individuals affected, this creates an optimal outcome.”

The Ego

If the communication between you and your former peers is less than ideal, the only thing that can make the situation worse is if the peers you’re now leading don’t feel you’re fit for the job or have a different view of how the team should be run.

Usually, a promotion is something to be excited about, but when a challenging transition is involved it’s important to tread lightly. Keep in mind that like you, your peers have to negotiate this new landscape, but unlike you, they’re not getting a new title and a raise.

According to the coach, the biggest challenge for most people, especially those younger in their career, is their ego.

“Without strong confidence in oneself, it can be easy to feel jealousy or ill will toward a peer who has been recognized with a promotion. Most professionals learn to let these feelings go and to focus on their own work while working towards the higher good of the organization. Once this is handled, the main challenge would be the change in the working relationship from peer to subordinate, which can take some adjustment,” Zilliox said.

Five Tips for Making it Work

But sometimes conflict is unavoidable. If the peers you’re now leading don’t feel you’re fit for the job, Zilliox recommends the following five tips:

1. Let them have their feelings. The bottom line is that it isn’t their business or their call. You were promoted by your management who trusted you could do a good job. Your former peers have a right to their opinions and part of any transition includes experiencing emotions about the change. As a leader, by allowing them to process the concerns, challenges, and questions about the transition, you will help them move past their initial reaction, creating a better chance for a renewed outlook. Be sure to connect with each and every team member early to learn about them, their strengths, their goals, and to express to them how committed you are to their success and to the success of the team.
2. Create small wins for the team. Once the team has processed their feelings and you have authentically shared your commitment to them, it is time to focus on turning their attitudes around and the easiest way is to quickly create small wins for your team. How can you make them look good? How can the team succeed? By shifting the focus away from you and your management style, this will help get the team back on track and moving forward.
3. Check in with hold-outs. If you have some individuals who can’t seem to get on board you’re your new role, check in with them to see what is going on. What do they miss about the past? Can they either give up their opinions or suspend them for a bit to see if it will all work out? Be clear about why you were given this new role. Sometimes communicating your goals and qualifications more clearly can help alter their perceptions. Essentially, you are putting on your coaching hat to help them realize that being right isn’t paying off as much as doing the right thing will.
4. Weed out bad seeds. At this point, if there are still folks on the team who cannot get on board, it is best that they find a team and a leader they can fully support. It is a choice they are making, and if they just can’t, then it won’t serve anyone if they stay. See what other parts of the organization would be a good fit and help them move, while looking for the right fit for your team at the same time.
5. Be confident. You were hired for a reason and just because it is different than what others expected, it doesn’t mean it isn’t best for the organization. While any good leader is consistently learning and growing, having a sense of confidence in who you are and what you bring to the table is a key foundation.

By remembering your position of authority while also working with team members to create a path forward, you can attempt to build consensus around your own leadership.

One day while at work, you receive an anonymous note under your door informing you that one of your firm’s sales managers is rumored to be frequently intoxicated while at work. Not just any sales manager, however, but one who’s known as being a real “rainmaker” and a favorite among senior management.

If that’s not bad enough, he’s also carrying on an affair with a woman in the sales department and is becoming known for yelling and cursing at colleagues while intoxicated. If this sounds like the plot of a very dark comedy, think again. Theresa Jones (not her real name), the head of HR for a regional office of a large international consulting firm, said she had to navigate her way through this very scenario. And according to a recently-released survey, this type of workplace behavior may be more common than you think.

The study revealed that of the 500 London-based mid-mangers surveyed, one in 10 admits to taking illegal drugs at work and work-related social events. It was also discovered that more than 29 percent have witnessed colleagues taking drugs, with class A drugs (those treated by the law as the most dangerous) being the most widely-used. For London-based professionals, the most popular drug seems to be cocaine, with 40 percent of workplace drug users admitting to using the stimulant at work.

While addiction may be the cause of this bad behavior, other factors also come into play. Apparently, peer pressure is prevalent outside of high school, as this reason was cited as the most common for taking illicit substances at work. Nearly 21 percent surveyed said they partook “because everybody else is taking them.” Perhaps more shocking, one in five said they participated in illicit behavior because their boss did and they thought participating would make them more apt for a promotion.

Participating in this type of bad behavior could suggest bigger problems, like alcoholism or drug addiction (five percent surveyed blamed addiction) for your colleague. But what are you supposed to do if you suspect a colleague is using at work or engaging in other harmful, illicit behaviors?

A Risky Approach

Obviously, unethical behavior in the workplace is a very touchy subject. Not only can it be difficult to approach a colleague about this situation, but those who do must proceed as delicately as possible. Even under the best circumstances, it’s not out of the question that the colleague may try to retaliate.

Jones, whose story was mentioned earlier, was concerned about the firm’s liability as a result of the alleged behavior of the company’s sales manager. Initially, she kept the note to herself, began a file, and tried to get as close to the manager as she could by becoming more familiar with the sales team. There was one problem, however: much of his work was done out of the office, making it nearly impossible for her to uncover any direct evidence of the drinking or the alleged affair.

Jones believed the next best move was to befriend those in the sales group, which is exactly what she did. She zeroed in on two people in particular, hanging out with them outside of work and going to lunch with them regularly. Soon enough she began dropping hints that she knew what was going on with the sales manager and the two employees felt comfortable enough with her to admit what they had seen, but didn’t want to go on the record out of fear of retaliation.

She was eventually able to gather enough information to approach the firm’s in-house counsel and consult with the COO. Together they decided to approach the sales manager and bluff him, misleading him on the amount of evidence they had and providing him with the opportunity to resign within six months, which would include a severance package and assistance fining new employment. If he refused, they threatened a full and thorough investigation and terminating him with no package. The sales manager stepped down quietly.

Addressing the Issue

Her approach was a risky one; the sales manager could have denied the allegations and sued for wrongful termination, resulting in a long, expensive, and not to mention awkward legal battle. If you suspect a colleague is participating in illicit activity that could damage your company, but you’d like more of a game plan, Desiree Moore has what appears to be a foolproof plan for navigating these waters.

Moore launched Greenhorn Legal LLC in 2011 with the intention of working with law firms and law schools to provide intensive training for new lawyers as they transition from law school into a real world practice. According to Moore, new lawyers can lack core competency practitioner skills – including professionalism and ethics skills, which impedes their ability to contribute to their law firms meaningfully.

“In a law firm environment, conduct is generally self-regulated, so from time to time people try to bend the rules,” Moore said. “As a junior attorney, it is incredibly difficult to try to generate the confidence to confront a colleague who you believe is behaving inappropriately or unethically. For this reason, part of the training program I developed for young lawyers address this precise issue.”

A lawyer’s conduct is largely governed by specific, pre-determined ethical rules administered by the American Bar Association (ABA). The rules address the responsibilities of lawyers in the face of harmful, illicit, or inappropriate behavior. Essentially, lawyers have a responsibility to behave ethically and ensure that others are doing so as well.

In Moore’s Greenhorn Legal programming, the Adjunct Professor at Loyola University Chicago School of Law invokes real world scenarios to take an in-depth look at the rules from the perspective of new lawyers while also covering a lawyer’s obligations to report misconduct. The ABA model rules state that when “another lawyer has committed a violation of the Rules of Professional Conduct that raises a substantial question as to the lawyer’s honesty, trustworthiness, or fitness as a lawyer in other respects,” the lawyer is required to inform the appropriate professional authority.

The Rubrics

Moore developed her own rubrics for adhering to professional standards of the practice, including obligations to report the misconduct of others, but her guidelines go beyond the law profession, providing an excellent resource for anyone who finds herself in the uncomfortable situation of having to decide whether or not to call a colleague out on their bad behavior.

“It is terrifying to report the misconduct of others and this can result in not reporting the misconduct at all,” Moore said. “We have all heard stories about retaliatory firings and hostile work environments and because of this, we may be concerned about jeopardizing our own jobs in the name of reporting misconduct. It is often easier to do nothing than to become embroiled in something that will potentially impact our own well-being.”

If you are motivated enough to move forward with your suspicions, Moore recommends that the first thing to keep in mind is adhering to the hierarchy. Meaning, if someone is in a better position to report the misconduct, do not circumvent his or her authority.

“If someone else who is better positioned to address the situation, do not circumvent or go around this person. Let the person closest to the situation decide if the conduct at issue is in fact improper or unethical,” Moore said.

If a higher-up isn’t closer to the situation, before anything else, you have to gather all of the facts. Moore recommends keeping a detailed record of the facts and be “110 percent certain” of the situation and be positive there is no misunderstanding before you move forward. It’s also a good idea to seek guidance from a trusted mentor or advisor, but it is absolutely necessary that you don’t proceed in a way that can be considered gossiping or rumor spreading about the situation. Moore says your own professionalism will depend on the level of discretion and care you apply to the situation. Discussing the situation with your mentor or advisor will help you determine whether you’re sure that you’ve identified a real issue. No accusation can stand on instinct, feeling, misinformation, or general suspicion alone, Moore says.

According to Moore’s rubrics, the next step is to evaluate the significance of the conduct. If in your fact gathering process you learn that the conduct is self-contained, meaning it does not impact you, the firm, or firm clients in any way- even if it is out of line with your personal values- it is likely not your responsibility to confront the situation.

“Even if we do not agree with certain conduct of our colleagues, there is an element of live and let live in any corporate environment and adhering to this will save you a lot of strife in the end,” Moore said. “Anytime you are reporting misconduct, even if wholly warranted, you are involving yourself in what may be a long, drawn out, emotionally trying process. Evaluating up front the significance of the conduct and whether it is actually a violation of any ethical rules is a critical step.”

The final step, of course, is deciding on the best avenue for reporting the conduct. Depending on the circumstances, it might be best to speak directly with the person involved in the improper conduct, but only if a relationship with the person has already been established and you have a firm understanding of how the person might react. If this is not an option, the next best approach is reporting the misconduct to an authority, such as your boss or an HR director.

“You have to be prepared to support any accusations with specific facts. You also have to be prepared to see it through to the end,” Moore said. “Once you report, you will be an integral part of the investigation that takes place, whether formal or informal.”

It seems that women are doing almost everything right.

According to Catalyst’s October 2011 study, women educate themselves as needed, mingle with higher-level professionals, and seek out extra responsibilities. They are just as proactive as men when it comes to pursuing their goals.

But when it comes to closing the gender gap, Catalyst found that “the best way to advance is not one-size-fits-all.” In order for females to go that extra mile, they should invest more effort into one key area: self promotion. “Of all the strategies used by women, making their achievements known… was the only one associated with compensation growth,” noted the report.

But why? According to Connie Glaser, a best-selling author and women’s leadership expert, societal expectations for female behavior promote modesty and collaboration—but these traits don’t necessarily lead to professional advancement. “One of the best ways to get ahead in the workplace is letting people know you’re doing good work,” she said. “And many women feel very uncomfortable with that.”

Lauren Stiller Rikleen agrees. As the Executive-in-Residence at Boston College’s Center for Work & Family in the Carroll School of Management and the president of the Rikleen Institute for Strategic Leadership, she knows how difficult it can be for women to promote themselves. “It’s not that women are bad at self-promoting,” she said. “It’s that they are bumping up against these societal norms when they try to showcase what they’ve achieved.”

So how can women make their accomplishments known without feeling like braggarts or being penalized for self-promotion? Both Glaser and Rikleen emphasize that effective self-promotion is all about being strategic. They offered some useful tips for professional women who want to get the recognition they deserve.

1. Don’t Say a Thing

   Times are changing. New technologies allow us to communicate in more ways than ever before, and Glaser suggests we take advantage of new media to get the word out. Emails, websites, and networks like LinkedIn all have great potential. “If you can put information in the context of a website, it gains an appearance of objectivity,” she explained. “Let’s say you have references or emails that others have sent about your work; you can list a couple of comments that clients have provided. And by all means, use Linked In! People are going to be checking you out, so it’s all about how you frame your accomplishments.”

   The next time a colleague—be it a client, a coworker or a superior—sends you an appreciative email, don’t discard it. Keep records of your rave reviews, and use them to your benefit.

2. Recognize Opportunities

   Sometimes, effective self-promotion is all about context. So when the opportunity to show off presents itself, seize it!

   “A lot of workplaces have self-evaluation processes,” explained Rikleen. “On more than one occasion, people reviewing those evaluations have said to me that they could tell, without looking at the name, whether each was written by a man or a woman. Women will tend to downplay their accomplishments and give credit to other team members. Men see self-evaluation as a vehicle to showcase what they’ve done.”

   If you’re self-evaluating, asking for a raise, or going for a promotion, modesty won’t get you anywhere. “These are totally appropriate places to say, ‘Here’s my contribution, and here’s why it’s really important,’” said Rikleen.

3. Accept the Accolades

   When someone offers you a compliment, resist the urge to brush it off. “Many times I have seen women achieve something—making a great presentation, for instance—and when someone comes up and says, ‘Great job!’ they respond, ‘Oh, it was nothing. I was so nervous!’” said Glaser.

   This is the opposite of self-promotion—it minimizes your achievements and downplays your capabilities. “If you deflect it, you can’t get it back,” said Glaser. “When someone is giving you credit, embrace it graciously. Simply say, ‘Thank you; I was delighted with the opportunity.’ Don’t give it away. You’ve worked too hard to get that recognition.”

4. Watch Your Language

   Many women are simply uncomfortable with talking themselves up, and Rikleen suggests that we change the way we define our terms. Nobody wants to be seen as a braggart—but what exactly is the difference between bragging and self-promotion?

   “The difference is one of perception more than reality,” she said. “‘Bragging’ is a pejorative word for self-promotion. I think it’s in the eyes of the beholder more than a clear-cut distinction.”

   So go ahead and talk about the achievements that make you proud. You can’t control how you’ll be perceived, but communicating strategically can help. “Choice of words can be very powerful,” explained Rikleen. “Think about how you choose to let people know about an accomplishment. You can say, ‘I’m really excited to share this information with you,’ and then talk about something you’ve achieved.”

5. Ask for Assistance

   Making your voice heard isn’t always easy, but you don’t have to go it alone. Ask for help in promoting your achievements, and create a culture of mutual support. “If you have an accomplishment you want other people to know about, ask somebody else if they’d feel comfortable sharing it,” said Rikleen.

   Glaser pointed out that it often helps to arrange an alliance of sorts before a big meeting or conference. Then, if your ideas are dismissed or your achievements go unnoticed, you can count on a coworker to speak up on your behalf—and vice-versa. “There are ways that women working together can give that kind of visibility and recognition to one another,” she said.

In the end, self-promotion requires some extra strategic effort for women. “It’s probably something that men don’t have to deal with as much, because they can bring attention to themselves with greater ease,” explained Glaser. “But there are ways women can do it gracefully and still accomplish their ends. And it’s imperative that women do that.”

A coworker of mine, Kate, recently got promoted alongside two other female coworkers, all of whom who had been at the company for the same amount of time. But suddenly, about two weeks after the promotions, there was some internal shifting within the company. Kate was moved laterally to an independent role, meaning she will be reporting to no one but herself. The other two women, on the other hand, are technically on the same level as her, but are still directly reporting to managers. It was, unsurprisingly, a rough couple of days within the department.

Kate was thrilled about this extra move – it was going to give her more time to work on her own projects, really throw herself into them, showing her talent and most likely opening doors for further promotions. For the two other women she had initially been promoted next to though, it was a moment for bitterness, a touch of understandable jealousy, and some resentment that they were not chosen. And this reaction weighed on Kate as well.

Instead of owning her promotion, being proud and excited about the extra boost, she spent the majority of her time worrying about what the other two women were thinking about her. Instead of being proud (yet modest!), what she was mostly concerned with was what the other women were saying about her, what they thought happened, and whether or not there was any way she could correct their misperceptions. Sound familiar? Why do we let lateral anxiety get us down?

You Can Be Nice and Competitive

According to Nan Mooney, author of I Can’t Believe She Did That: Why Women Betray Other Women at Work, many women in the workplace suffer from “the nice syndrome,” where, she explained, since “girls are generally taught to get along and encouraged to be nice to others…in the workforce that manifests itself as women who feel uncomfortable in direct competition with others.” Women are not taught to compete, therefore we feel we shouldn’t try to get ahead if it makes us look competitive. This isn’t right. But it seems, unfortunately, to be true.

None of these three women expressed their discontent openly. It was all expressed in hushed whispers, mumbled in cubicles, grumbled in elevators. To Kate, the anxiety and fear of having hurt someone’s feelings, or worrying that she might come off looking like a villain, was prohibiting her from being pleased that her hard work had been recognized and that she deserved the promotion she got. And frankly, even if she had marched into her office the day the internal shifting had begun and asked for the second move she got, she absolutely should have done that. She went for what she wanted in her career, and she got it, and she shouldn’t be resented for being bold and confident.

According to Mooney, competitiveness in women has traditionally seen as a “taboo subject,” and “anti-woman.” This ends up working against women, because when “women are afraid to raise a problem…it goes underground, and it comes out in a twisted way.” What we need to know is that it actually is okay to be competitive; we shouldn’t feel sneaky about it. In fact, Mooney’s research proves that women are equally as competitive as men, we just unfortunately express it in a detrimental way, so as not to destroy the illusion that women “shouldn’t” be competitive. We perpetuate our own stereotype.

Overcoming Risk Aversion

But the aversion to appearing competitive should not be considered a mere side effect of some “mean girls” phenomenon. It also to applies to interactions with our male coworkers and to our managers as well.

For example, anxiety over telling your boss you’re looking for a lateral move in your company can make your job shift that much more difficult. It can be hard to tell a manager you like and respect that you’re not completely happy with your position.

Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne would probably attribute these anxieties in part to one gender gap that exists in the workplace: “risk aversion.” In a recent Psychology Today article, she explained that women will avoid confrontation and “risky” situations or suggestions like presenting bold ideas, asking for a raise, voicing opposition. She wrote:

“A female employee’s risk aversion can have a host of negative consequences. She is less likely to risk her boss’s disapproval by asking for a raise.  She’s less willing to make risky business decisions. Her supervisors see her as lacking in the cut-throat entrepreneurial skills that will lead her to seek new and potentially lucrative investments or striking out in new directions with bold ideas.”

Is it worth risking fulfilling a career goal just to avoid a certain reputation? Of course not.

On a personal note, I recently took my own advice and made a huge step in telling my manager I was considering moving on. As scary as it was, it couldn’t have gone better. Did I feel unbelievably relieved and appreciative of the support he gave me for being so upfront? You bet I did! But I’m still not completely cured of risk aversion. Getting over lateral anxiety is a slow process, but at least I’ve made a start.

“‘Nice’ has never really been the word to describe me in 
the workplace. However, I do think I am an effective leader. I honestly 
don’t know if being ‘nice’ would have gotten me further along more quickly 
or not. Sometimes I think it might have.”

-Nikki Gastineau Johnson, Vice President

As the quote above reflects, women sometimes feel conflicted about being ‘nice’ versus ‘effective’ in the workplace. Studies show that when women adopt more assertive behaviors believed to be essential to successful leadership, they are evaluated more negatively than men. (See “How to Navigate the Niceness Paradox: Part 1.”)

The Glass Hammer continues with Part 2 of a special series on how women can navigate the “niceness paradox.” For this series, we polled a group of 50 workplace thought leaders, as well as women in leadership roles across a variety of industries, for their expertise. The following strategies are a continuation of the group’s top recommendations.

Balance “Relate” and “Require”

A healthy blend of both “relating” and “requiring” skills are necessary for workplace effectiveness, says Leigh Steere, co-founder of Managing People Better. Relating skills include asking, listening, including, coaching, and encouraging, while requiring skills include creating expectations, focusing on goals, setting controls, asserting views, and confronting problems.

Leigh says that both women and men can stumble professionally if they lean on one of these skill sets more than the other. “Women may not be able to avoid the niceness paradox completely, because some find it uncomfortable to see women engaged in requiring skills.” Former CEO at Hewitt Associates Peter Friedes points out that women often believe that they become less nice when they use requiring skills.

Tom Cox, managing consultant of Cox Business Consulting, also emphasizes the relate/require balance. He says that to negate the paradox, you need to push both sides at once. “You want
 enough of a relationship that people care about making you happy, and you want to be requiring 
enough that you push people out of their comfort zones,” Cox says. He also suggests that women stop seeing the dual options as a paradox. “You don’t become more demanding by being less of a relater,” he says. “Hold your ground on relating, or even increase it.”

Suzanne M. Garber, COO of International SOS Assistance, Inc., also feels that it is not an either/or proposition between “nice” and “effective,” maintaining that it is possible for women to be 
both. “I think the more telling question is not ‘Is a woman perceived to be effective in her role if she is also nice’ but ‘Is a woman effective in her role if she is also nice,’” Garber says. “Behavior does matter in the workplace and professional courtesy niceness is, in some cases, just as important as competence. In the end, performance matters and how that is accomplished does count.”

Take Time to Show Your Softer Side

While much of the advice directed toward women about navigating the paradox centers on women boosting their “require” skills, some emphasize the specific importance of emphasizing the “softer side.” Nancy Butler, consultant at Butler Communications, started her own financial planning and asset management business at age 31. Within a year she was hiring and training financial advisors, most of whom were men.

“I tend to be a bottom-line type of manager,” Butler says. “I was considered nice by some and not so nice by others as I have little time for ‘fluff’ or softening issues.” To help moderate her no-nonsense image, Butler’s strategy was to find small ways to show appreciation to her staff; for example, holding monthly staff meetings that include lunch for the team; keeping small gifts at hand to reward high performance; sponsoring an annual staff appreciation dinner. “Run the business as it should be run, but find other ways to show your softer side,” Butler says.

Push Back When Needed

Sometimes, women must take early action to avoid becoming labeled as a pushover. Libby Kavoulakis, chief executive of The Metis Group LLC, faced the niceness paradox as a senior manager at a Big 5 consulting firm, and now faces it again in her own consulting business. From her experience, she has found that responding at the first sign of trouble can be an effective strategy to get around the niceness paradox.

She suggests that women who are targeted as being too nice make a direct statement in a moderated tone to push back on a comment or action. “Strike back once with tact and grace and the ‘nice’ will be removed as a label,” Kavoulakis says. “Become a silent assassin one time to set the tone that a woman may be more polite or considerate, but not a pushover.”

Be Strategically Nice

Women are known to excel in the realm of emotional intelligence, yet many don’t think about the importance of understanding and strategically pursuing emotional intelligence in the workplace, says executive coach and president of Healthy Workplaces Mallary Tytel. She suggests recognizing that self-awareness, social awareness, self-management, and social skills are part of your responsibilities. “These four competencies can support or get in the way of your relationships and your influence on others,” Tytel says.

Building on this theme, our poll suggests that women can use emotional intelligence to better strategic advantage by distinguishing between types of people in our careers, and adjusting our behavioral tactics accordingly. In other words, deciding whether to play nice should be based on who we’re talking to or trying to influence.

“Women should be nice with those who are nice themselves and/or people who pose no threat to our careers,” says author and corporate trainer Marlene Caroselli. “By contrast, with those who may deliberately or inadvertently establish roadblocks to our careers, we have to be more hard-edged, more business-like, more driven.”

Leadership coach Maureen Metcalf agrees that it’s important to have a clear goal for the interaction. “In some situations you may choose to be more likable and others to be more knowledgeable and in control depending on your overall outcome for the relationship,” Metcalf says. “There may be times you want to be liked because it serves your overall goal, and there may be other times you are hired to make the tough decisions and being nice is a real detriment.”

Career advisor Darrell Gurney reiterates the value in remaining strategically flexible. “The point is for women to learn how to adapt to the world in what it needs in the moment so as to ensure that their message and mission get conveyed,” Gurney says. “They can then plan strategically how to best deal with the world from the perspective that it holds: from a chess-master mindset rather than a waging-war-on-the-opinion mindset.”

Rethink What “Nice” Means

Feminine skills that have been marginalized by being called “nice” are in fact powerful and effective skills, suggests developmental psychologist and
executive coach Dr. Birute Regine. Regine, who is author of the book Iron Butterflies: Women Transforming Themselves and the Word, says we bring biases to the word “nice” that suggest to be nice is to be ineffective. Yet many feminine skills that are labeled as “nice”—and are thus demeaned and dismissed—are actually very powerful.

Regine points out that recent studies by MIT and Carnegie Mellon on collective intelligence revealed that the collective intelligence of a group is not determined by the smartest person on the team nor the average intelligence of team members. Instead, one factor researchers discovered could predict improved collective intelligence was ensuring that half the people at the table were women.

“What do women bring to the table that catalyzes evolved thinking?” Regine asks. “A superior social sensitivity in reading non-verbal cues and other people’s emotions, and a fairness in turn taking. Couldn’t this be perceived as being nice?”

The strategy that Regine suggests for women is to embrace the power of nice as also effective. “It’s not an either/or argument,” Regine says. “Being nice when it includes feminine skills such as relational intelligence, inclusion, empathy, collaboration, deep listening, and consensus building is a very effective way to achieve your goals.”

There are times as a leader where being nice means being human, says Donna Friedman Meir, owner and founder of Lemonade Creative Consulting and chief innovation officer at Insight Strategy Group. She emphasizes that authenticity is the key to success, whether you are a woman or a man. “To be an effective leader, you need to have a genuine relationship with your team,” Meir says. “Being ‘nice’ is about being real, and that leads to genuine effectiveness.”

Think Culturally

The dilemma of ‘nice’ versus ‘effective’ is one of the main reasons Rachel Kovar started her own business.
 Founder and president of AccessMBS, Kovar says that the first thing women must do to gain the benefits of being both nice and effective is to understand what those terms mean in your organization’s culture.

“In my experience, being ‘nice’ is often at its worst used to describe someone perceived as non-threatening, non-competitive,” Kovar says. “This person is a seen as a ‘do-er’ or ‘worker bee,’ not as a thinker, strategist, or leader. ‘Nice’ people have time for everyone; they will willingly take on any task regardless of who is asking or if it’s within their purview.”

Once you are aware of the cultural implications at your company of ‘nice’ and ‘effective,’ you can better bridge the two approaches. “My approach to walking the line between being disliked and being a doormat is to be warm and engaging, but have preset limits and boundaries so I can remain decisive, firm, and focused,” Kovar says.

Darcy Eikenberg, founder and chief creative officer at Red Cape Revolution agrees that the real issue is to explore what ‘nice’ means in a workplace context. “‘Nice’ doesn’t mean doing things everyone wants and never making anyone mad,” Eikenberg says. “‘Nice’ doesn’t mean soft. ‘Nice’ doesn’t mean pretending everything is always okay and never getting frustrated with people or situations. That’s not nice.”

How should women look at ‘nice’ instead? Eikenberg suggests true ‘nice’ is about being clear on your worth, being confident and in control, making the best choices you can in each situation, and acting consistently with a positive and professional attitude.

Boost Confidence

Lauren Still, founder of the Careerevolution Group, says that developing true confidence and inner strength is key to women learning how to own their power without needing to wield it over others. “A confidence that comes from within will allow women to act in ways that are effective and in line with their integrity, without needing to be ‘liked’ at any cost,” Still says. “Insecurities can create an overly ‘nice’ person, or someone who tries to overcompensate and becomes aggressive or disingenuous.”

If a woman cannot bring herself to do what it takes to effectively address issues as they arise, she might want to take a close look at how she views her own self-worth, says Carol Quinn, founder and CEO of Higher Authority. Quinn says that while the more effective way of responding may not please everyone, doing what needs to be done—without feeling guilty—is a lesson many women need to learn.

“Being effective doesn’t have to mean being mean, but when nice doesn’t work, a person has to muster the courage to be not-so-nice if that’s what it takes to make her stance clear,” Quinn says. “Become aware that your need to be liked may not be serving you as well as you think.”

At the root of the desire to be nice is the need to have others think highly of you because you don’t think that way about yourself. The solution? Change how you feel about yourself, and you will no longer have the need for others to like you. “When you have already given this to yourself, the niceness issue evaporates,” Quinn says. “Now, you can be authentically nice.”

“People working for me have loved me; peers have resented and hated me. For years, I was the top female executive in my area in a very male-dominated industry, but I’ve grown tired of trying to be someone I am not, just to be perceived on a personal level as favorably as my male counterparts. I’m in the process of leaving a corporate job and starting my 
own law firm due to this very reality.”

The anonymous quote above reveals that when it comes to leadership, women face a cultural conundrum. Studies show that when women adopt certain behaviors believed to be essential to successful leadership, they are evaluated more negatively than men. Women continue to be perceived as less qualified than men in most leadership roles.

For example, Northwestern University recently performed a meta-analysis incorporating studies from three different research paradigms to examine the cultural masculinity of leadership stereotypes. The analysis found that women are sometimes viewed as inappropriate or presumptuous when they engage in certain behaviors required by leadership positions. Previous research found that qualities such as being nice or compassionate are commonly associated with women, while qualities such as being assertive or competitive are associated with men.

Study co-author Alice Eagly comments on the implications of the study on Northwestern’s website: “Cultural stereotypes can make it seem that women do not have what it takes for important leadership roles, thereby adding to the barriers that women encounter in attaining roles that yield substantial power and authority.”

In a lecture to the Silicon Valley Thought Leadership Greenhouse, Deborah Gruenfeld of the Stanford Graduate School of Business noted a recent study in which students were asked to evaluate two identical versions of a case study about a venture capitalist, except one featured a woman and the other a man. As described on Stanford’s website:

“Students found the male and female versions to be equally competent and effective. However, when the students thought the venture capitalist was a woman they found her to be less genuine, humble, and kind and more power-hungry, self-promoting, and disingenuous. And the more assertive a student found the female venture capitalist to be, the more they rejected her.”

The results of studies like these reflect an inherent paradox for women. When women are associated with leadership qualities that are considered more “male” (such as strength, decisiveness, competitiveness, and authoritativeness), they may be judged as “unlikeable.” Yet women who are viewed as more likeable by displaying qualities that are considered more “female” (such as friendliness, warmth, nurturing, and kindness) are sometimes considered less capable and competent leaders.

How can women navigate the “niceness paradox”? For a special two-part series, The Glass Hammer polled a group of 50 workplace thought leaders, as well as women in leadership roles across a variety of industries, for their expertise. The following strategies reflect the group’s top recommendations.

Always Be Professional

Being nice doesn’t mean you must always be agreeable, says Vickie Milazzo, author of Wicked Success Is Inside Every Woman. It can mean delivering a difficult message from a place of professionalism rather than emotion or antagonism. “Women, even more than men, should have a consciousness about the way we express dissatisfaction and deliver tough messages,” Milazzo says.

In the balancing act between ‘nice ‘and ‘effective,’ Milazzo recommends that women opt for effectiveness over the need to be relatable. “Women who will do whatever it takes to be ‘one of them’ end up rendering their whole group ineffective,” she says. “Women have to know when to detach from the junk and from their emotional response to it.”

Lisa Quast, founder of Career Woman, Inc. agrees that given a choice of being seen as ‘nice’ versus ‘effective,’ she would choose ‘effective’ every time. “As a manager, my job is not to try to be everyone’s best friend; my job is to be their boss by helping them achieve their work goals and developing their careers so they can advance to higher levels,” Quast says. “Would any of my previous subordinates use the term ‘nice’ to describe me? Doubtful. But they would say they learned more from me than any other manager they’ve ever had.”

Anastasia Valentine CEO of marketing agency Sandbox PM and who previously held executive positions in the technology industry, emphasizes the importance of staying fact-based rather than emotion-based. “Operating on emotion or being nice to get into favor is a recipe for disaster or loss of respect,” Valentine says. “Yes we encounter bad days and challenging situations and people, but facts don’t lie. If you rely on facts as your foundation for your decisions and strategy, you can’t go wrong.”

Seek Respect, Not Social Reward

Women need to work on changing their behavior, attitudes, and expectations to be consistent with doing a good job rather than on being liked, says Marsha Firestone, founder and president of the Women Presidents’ Organization (WPO). When you build a team that is actively involved in achieving the goals of the organization, the resulting professional collaboration and cohesiveness of that team can take the place of a need to be liked. “It is more important to be effective in the job you are doing than to alter the views of others,” Firestone says. “Women need to stop worrying about being liked and focus on being respected.”

J.P. Jones, owner of Paige1Media, has found maintaining a professional persona in the workplace to be the most effective way of walking the fine line between being nice and being effective. “For women in leadership positions, it’s important to remain reachable while at the same time letting your staff know exactly what you expect of them and the decorum you require on the job,” Jones says.

Nationally recognized workplace expert Lynn Taylor, author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant and contributor to Bloomberg Businessweek, recently conducted some informal research via LinkedIn on being liked versus feared. Taylor describes this internal tug-of-war as “yo-yo-ing between being a power player and a pushover-pleaser.” From her research, she found that women are often not assertive enough and deploy inconsistency in their approach. The goal, she concluded, should be to find a happy medium that works.

“Because our culture teaches women not to be strong leaders, they have moments when they overcompensate by being overly aggressive, and other moments when they do not stand up for their beliefs,” Taylor says. “Women should not be concerned as much with being nice as they should be with being respected, pleasant, and courteous. If you seek to be liked by many, as if you are in a popularity contest, it is hard to win respect, get the job done, or pursue the larger good of the company.” She quotes a LinkedIn contributor who likens the situation to when a parent tells a child, “You may hate me now, but you’ll appreciate me later.”

Focus on Consistency and Fairness

One way to keep the focus on professionalism is to avoid the yo-yo-ing that Taylor describes, and develop the reputation for being consistent. When Tracy Brisson, founder and CEO of The Opportunities Project, was manager of a 20-person team, remaining consistent was the single most important thing she did to remain effective in her role. The results speak to the success of the strategy: Brisson received 100% satisfaction from her team on an HR survey of managerial effectiveness.

“People knew that my focus was on the work and supporting everyone who was doing it,” Brisson says. “When I had to take a more direct authoritative line, everyone knew what drove me, so no one thought I was unlikeable. Integrating the different facets of your personality and being consistent about it are key.”

Fairness and honesty are other areas to consider to help direct attention to your work rather than to the way you are perceived while you’re doing it. Nikki Gastineau Johnson, vice president of a property management company, suggests that focusing on being fair and honest shifts the burden away from always trying to ‘be nice’ and instead allows women to be perceived as objective and not self-serving. “If your employees and business associates know they can depend on you for fairness, they will recognize that your not-so-nice actions or words are not directed toward them, but rather are for the good of the company as a whole,” Johnson says.

Acknowledge the Other First

Xan Raskin was dubbed “Ms. Appropriate” for her approach to the niceness paradox. Raskin, who ran a division of the legal department at a Fortune
 500 global pharma company for 9 years and is now founder and president of Artixan Consulting Group, LLC, explains that the nickname arose through her practice of saying, “Thank you so much for bringing this issue to me. I’d be more than happy to help,” before sharing her advice with team members.

“Acknowledging the other person’s perspective, even when you don’t agree, can go a long way to maintaining the nice-effective balance,” Raskin says. “I learned that rather than just chiming in with my perspective at a meeting that might be contrary to what someone else had just said, I would make the other person comfortable by being nice to them first.” Raskin suggests that the successful balance comes through demonstrating that you are actively listening to the other person, and that you are providing your own thoughts and opinions in a way that will be well-received by others.

Pin It on the Mission

The more you focus solely on winning the transaction, the more disingenuous you risk coming across, says Mark Goulston, author of Just Listen. “Men can get away with this because men are expected to be guarded, strong, and given what we see about them in sports, we even forgive them their tantrums,” Goulston says. “Women are expected to be more inviting, loving, and warm and when they come off as strong, it can cause a disconnect.”

To get around this inequity, Goulston recommends that women position themselves as committed to a particular mission or opportunity. “If a woman can say to the people around her in a polite but determined way, ‘Do I have everyone’s permission to step in and respectfully but firmly prevent anything from derailing our mission, our group, and anyone in our group?’ then it will be very difficult for anyone to disagree with such a protective stance,” Goulston says.

Avoid Extremes

It’s important to find ways to keep a balanced approach in order to come across as both effective and accommodating, says Vivian Scott,
 author of Conflict Resolution at Work For Dummies.
 “Being too hard or too soft makes it easy for others to pigeonhole you,” Scott says.

To prevent this, Scott recommends deliberately focusing on both parties’ needs. “If you’re only worried about others’ needs, you may come off too nice, and being only concerned with what you want may be viewed as arrogant,” she says. She also recommends saying what you really mean rather than dancing around it: “Using vague language or taking a wimpy stance as a way to soften a message only plays into that ‘nice, but ineffective’ perception.”

Taylor agrees that balance is key to navigating the tricky waters of the niceness paradox. She suggests that women find a way to play the game without reverting to being a power player. “If you are pleasant and can motivate or inspire others, than you have the winning formula,” Taylor says. “The quote ‘Speak softly and carry a big stick’ might be altered in this case to ‘Speak firmly and carry a big stick.’”

Rhonda Rhyne, consultant and author of the soon-to-be released book The Bitch & The Glass Ceiling: Shatter Through with Respect-Centric Leadership, comments on the needed balancing act: “Women need to optimize their natural feminine qualities, such as caring, warmth, and respect, while developing yet regulating masculine traits (concise, decisive, command-and-control) that are essential but left unbridled can lead to lacerations, hemorrhaging, and that God-awful moniker, bitch.”

This discussion continues in Part 2 of this series.

When was the last time you asked for help at work? If you can’t recall, or if the answer is never, you may be very comfortable in your position and are confident in the work you produce. But there’s more to your career than being good at your job. Don’t be afraid of appearing incompetent or unqualified or putting others in an awkward position. If you haven’t sought out help regarding career progression, dealing with staff, dealing with managers, managing work-life issues, exploring career paths, or any other topic of importance, you’ll need to let that mindset go. Asking for and accepting help can mean career advancement. Here’s why.

1. Asking for help shows you want to do the best job possible.

If you have given a good shot on your own, but want to ask someone for their input on a challenging task, you’re just being thorough. It isn’t incompetence if you’ve already put in a solid effort. Good, insightful questions show you are paying attention and you are informed.

“I believe that, ultimately, career advancement comes from getting to a good answer, getting the work done, and getting the work done right and on time,” says Rhonda L. Lessard, FSA, MAAA, Head of Medical Cost Analytics at Aetna. “If you need to get help to do so, then it supports that goal. If avoiding help means that a poor answer results, or that the work is substandard or late, then failure to ask for help has indeed impeded your career.”

If you are producing good work in a timely manner, it will advance the department and your career development. Consider the alternative: not asking for help when you should be “can be very unfortunate when it stands in the way of producing good work,” says Lessard, who oversees a staff of nearly 100 and answers many career-related questions on a regular basis. “We can’t all know everything, but we all know something and have certain skills that can be, in essence, traded with those around us for the knowledge and skills that they have.”

2. Asking for help will allow you to build important relationships.

Good relationships, including those in the workplace, are about give and take. Lessard says, “I encourage all of my teams to openly offer assistance to anyone who reaches out to them, because one day we will need it in return.” When we learn to accept help from others and can offer it in return, we are helping build each other’s career by growing our network of support. Think of it like networking.

“By modeling that we are stronger together, that internally we work collaboratively, I hope to instill this belief in (my staff) and keep us all talking to each other,” continues Lessard. “We are stronger together, we get to better answers together, we win together, we are a team, and a team helps each other.”

3. Asking for help shows you are comfortable with yourself.

Confidence is very much about letting someone else show you the way on occasion. It’s a sign of strength, saying ‘I have a respect for your opinions and wisdom’ and ‘you probably have a solution to this.’ It’s allowing someone else to contribute, which is flattering, and shows that you aren’t too proud to ask. You can bet that confidence is one of the characteristics your boss will be looking for when she considers your next promotion.

Tips on Asking for Help

“Asking for help is a tricky thing,” admits Lessard, because “you want to drive to the best answer while developing your own knowledge base, but without seeming like you are not the right person for the job in the first place.” Here are a few things to consider when asking for help.

• Be respectful of others’ time and try to ask questions at the appropriate levels. E-mail your boss to say “who can I ask?” It comes across as being respectful of her time, so you aren’t always relying on her.
• Find a balance. “For a person’s own development, she will be better served in trying to work through to the answer herself than by asking for help over and over again,” says Lessard.
• Request time on someone’s calendar to discuss. Lessard suggests that, when reaching out to someone you don’t know, an e-mail outlining the request is most appreciated. A face-to-face meeting to get to know them to read their reactions and whether they understand everything is also encouraged. “For smaller requests,” says Lessard, “especially from people I already know, I’m happy to take requests via e-mail so that I can answer them at my convenience.” If questions and answers go back and forth, Lessard’s general rule of thumb is that after three replies, “it’s time to pick up the phone or set up time dedicated to discuss.”
• Don’t forget the importance of sharing credit with those who help you.

One last thing to consider is that your job should always have a challenge factor. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t have the same drive to do the best job possible, and your work quality would likely suffer. As Lessard explains, “If I strive to keep my staff working just outside of their knowledge comfort zone, that will help them to maximize their own development and therefore the productivity and effectiveness of our whole department.”

Don’t shy away from asking for help. Done right, asking for help can mean stronger relationships, increased confidence, and doing an even better job than you thought possible on your own. Asking for help can be a major factor in your career advancement.

“I once worked with a boss who yelled at everyone in her office – she used words that were demeaning and dismissive,” recalls Kathi Elster, co-author of Working with You Is Killing Me and Working for You Isn’t Working for Me and the soon to be released Who Does She Think She Is? Elster continues: “She might yell at you for talking too much then the next day she might yell at you for not talking enough. There was no way to please her, she was an angry person who took her frustrations out on her staff. She did not seem to know that she was yelling or being a bully. When I confronted her she would say that she wasn’t that bad. Needless to say she had a 100% turnover every year.”

Elster isn’t the only woman who has encountered such horror stories about negative behaviors in the workplace. Quite the contrary; queen bees, idea-thieves, and other co-workers that just don’t play nice are common. So much so that, for some, they are becoming an undesired yet integral part of the day-to-day office experience.

“Most problems that drive people crazy in the workplace are not egregious, shocking events. It is the passive-aggressive, subversive personalities that are the real horror stories for people,” explains Stephanie Somanchi, MBA PhD and Executive Life Coach. Elster adds: “Women can be very competitive, and many women participate in covert competition. So instead of letting another women know that she is going to compete with her to win an account or to win a job promotion, she might go behind her back and bad mouth her to erode her reputation (covert competition). Men do this also, but usually they are much more upfront about their competitiveness towards another.”

Being able to resolve such negative behaviors diplomatically and productively is a skill to acquire. Deb Spicer, a 25-year senior level executive, consultant and author of the new book Power Teams, proposes the following five techniques, which she believes are gender neutral.

1. Talk to the person. Communication is the tie that binds, and dealing with a conflict or the uncomfortable feelings one has when dealing with a conflict is why most negative behaviors go unaddressed. Tell him/her what you need from them in terms of direction, feedback and support. Be polite and focus on your needs. (Expose to the person the affect their behavior has on you. Avoid the “everyone” or “a lot of us in the department” feels…as you do.) When possible tie their behavior to a business issue. Maybe people in meetings won’t speak up out of fear of embarrassment. This leaves creative and new solutions or direction off the table, which can hurt the company. Make the business purpose of the conversation clear.

2. Listen closely during the discussion. A Cherokee Indian saying states, “Listen. Or your tongue will make you deaf.”

3. Let the employee know that not only is the behavior affecting the business and the employee’s coworkers, it is impacting their career – raises, relationships, promotions. If there are reductions made to staffing levels, negative employees are usually the first people selected to go.

4. Rise above the fray. This is easy to do when the person is just socially obnoxious or annoying. It is tougher to do when the bull’s-eye is on your back. Model professionalism and set limits on what you can tolerate. If the negative behavior is bullying, repeat 1-3 and if there is no change, document the issues and speak with HR. Most companies have a policy about bullying.

5. Model the behavior in which you wish to be surrounded. Take responsibility, accept accountability, speak professionally, and deliver quality. If you yourself begin to serve as a model, the chances increase that co-workers will treat you with the same respect. “What goes around comes around.”

A difficult team member can be a drain on productivity and professionalism. Working to defuse bad situations and modeling the behavior you hope to see in others means more than making a brighter day for yourself – it can mean a better outcome for your business as well.

What are women wishing for this year? According to a new survey from Microsoft Office 365 and 85 Broads, the answer is a more flexible work arrangement. According to a survey of members of the women’s networking group 85 Broads, a full 90% of respondents would prefer a regular remote working schedule, and 81% of women said they’d be more satisfied with their jobs as a result of remote working. Given the opportunity, they would work from home 3.1 days per week.

That’s more than half the week away from the office! The main reasons women desired a more flexible work arrangement included work/life issues, better productivity, and a shorter commute. In fact, it is notable that so many individuals felt being at work prevented them from getting work done. What is it about the workplace that is so draining?

The Productivity Arrangement

Sixty-two percent of respondents said their personal productivity improves “very much” or “somewhat” while working remotely – and they’re not the only ones. According to a new Princeton study out of China, the airfare and ticketing department at a travel company saw the productivity of home-workers improve significantly compared to office workers. A study of 250 individuals said home-workers answered 15% more calls, took fewer breaks and sick days, and were late less frequently.

And, according to Slate, the home-workers were happier. The article says:

“The home-work group reported less “work exhaustion,” a more positive attitude towards their jobs, and were nearly 50 percent less likely to say they were planning to quit at the end of the eight months. (In fact the quit rate among home-office workers during the experiment was about one-half of what it was for those making the commute.)”

Similarly, avoiding a long commute was one of the top five reasons given to work remotely in the 85 Broads survey. The top reason that women gave for desiring a flexible work arrangement, however, was facilitating a “better balance of work and home priorities” (23%).

Working from home might enable women to stay home in the morning until the kids go to school, schedule appointments without having to take a sick day, or deal with other demands that are location-specific. Interestingly, only 34% of the women in the survey said they had a child in their household. The desire for remote work isn’t limited to working mothers. Rather, it’s a productivity booster for individuals who don’t want to deal with needless workplace stress and long commutes.

Adapting to Remote Work

According to Maggie Chan Jones, Director of Cloud Services at Microsoft, a key component to driving better results from remote work is implementing the appropriate technology. She said, “For information workers, much of their work could be conducted from home or a satellite office. One study estimated that in 2000 more than half of all jobs were amenable to telecommuting, at least on a part-time basis, and undoubtedly that fraction has increased since then as a result of the spread of high-speed Internet and mobile technology. As expected, the desire (and need) to work remotely has to do with having to balance work and personal priorities at an accelerated pace.”

In fact, about half of the respondents (49%) to the study said technology was a challenge when it came to remote working, reporting issues like accessing network files and working in a secure IT environment. The biggest technological challenge came down to interpersonal issues like connecting with colleagues.

The main “pet peeves” that respondents had about their coworkers’ remote work habits was a lack of a quick response and the inability to work face to face. Chan Jones said, “A combination of the right technology with proper etiquette can eliminate issues associated with inaccessibility and slow response times. By using technologies (like Microsoft Office 365’s instant messaging and conference capabilities), remote workers can host real-time chats and video conferences from wherever they are, which provides instant access and collaboration with colleagues.”

She continued, “Additionally, remote working etiquette should be followed, including:

• Utilizing technologies that enable colleagues to know when you are available. This will let people know when you are or are not online and will also help you to prioritize and stay productive.
• Establishing a schedule. Keep home work hours similar to those you would keep at an office. Your manager, coworkers and customers appreciate knowing when you are available.
• Being present. Check in with your team regularly throughout the day and be responsive to their questions and comments.”

Twenty percent of individuals surveyed said they believed their remote working coworkers did less work than those in the office (even though the productivity research shows that this is probably not true). These challenges around perception and collaboration can be overcome – if leadership is up to the task.

Recently Alison Maitland told us about the future of work – and she said that while technology is a component of the shift to a more flexible and productive environment, it’s not the only issue. She said, “It’s not enough to introduce new technology to the workplace. And it’s not enough to redesign workplaces. Those are just they physical manifestations. It’s critical for leaders and managers to examine their attitudes toward flexibility and they may need to change attitudes and practices.”

We’ve now passed Thanksgiving – which means the holidays are right around the corner. And when sugarplums are dancing in your employees’ heads come the holiday season, it can be hard for work to compete. An Accountemps survey published last year revealed that one-third of senior managers surveyed said their employees are less productive the week before a major holiday – and this season is full of them!

At the same time, this is the busiest time of year for most firms whose clients are clamoring to meet year-end goals. Here are five ways managers can get their people to produce top results through the holidays.

1. Offsite Output. What with gifts to buy and wrap, feasts to prepare, and family members to entertain, know that your employees have a lot on their mind. They may be thinking about the turkey in the oven at home or wishing they could run errands instead of running spreadsheets. Offering employees a virtual telecommuting option during the holidays often eases the stress of wanting to be at two places at once. Timothy O’Rourke, President and CEO of Matthews Young, a management consulting company in North Carolina said this tactic has worked for him. “We’re set up to work virtually almost anywhere…so people can work when they need to.” O’Rourke says that the proof is in the pudding – he has had an almost 0% employee turnover rate since he has taken over the company and instituted this more flexible approach.

2. Stay connected. With all the hustle and bustle, make sure that you stay in tune with your employees’ projects and the challenges they may be facing. Parbati Bhattacharya, owner of Westrock Capital Management, Inc. and adjunct professor of Technology Management at NYU Polytechnic says that while she doesn’t believe in micromanaging, she does make it a priority to check in with employees. “Everything is less stressful that way,” she said. If you have too many junior employees to keep track of, make sure that your senior management team understands the importance of supporting down the ranks as well.

3. Reward hard work. A study published in Performance Improvement Quarterly, indicated significant gains – 22% – in performance due to team based incentives. Traditionally a time for employee bonuses, the holidays are a great time to apply rewards as incentives for hard work. Other ideas for rewards include a simple holiday party to lighten the mood or publishing successes in the company newsletter. But make sure that your holiday parties don’t add to the stress – make sure to keep gift giving simple and sweet.

4. Sprint to the finish line. Goals are always important in effective management, but they are particularly helpful for keep employees motivated and on track at the end of the year. This is also a good time to revisit the larger business goals. Reginald Gardner, author of Corporate Leadership Selection: Impact on American Business, Employees, and Society, notes that developing goals is essential to both the manager and employee for evaluating performance and establishing a plan for continuous development and improvement. Jennifer Jones, Director of Marketing at Right Management adds that reviewing the company’s Corporate Social Responsibility is also a great motivator. “By reiterating an organization’s commitment to its people, clients, community and the role of work in their lives – an organization can help to increase levels of employee engagement,” Jones said.

5. Set an example. Leading by example is one of the most powerful ways to inspire others. Make sure that as a senior manager you are not shopping online, making personal phone calls, or calling in sick. Reiterate to your upper level staff that they are role models for the rest of the company as well.

The holidays take everyone’s minds off of work. According to an ISACA survey, employees spend nearly two full working days (14.4 hours) on average shopping online from a work computer this holiday season. Sick days rise during the holidays, and not always because of the sniffles. But it doesn’t always have to be this way. With understanding, a firm hand, and a clear vision, you can make sure your employees don’t get lost in the snowdrift.