If you are a professional woman with children, you have faced the decision about whether to keep working or stay at home. No matter which route you chose to take, most likely the bulk of household responsibilities still fall on your shoulders, and you have begun the inevitable balancing act of work and family.

There are endless articles, books and discussion about work/life balance. But those of us who are currently trying to walk that tightrope know – there is no balance. Something has to give, and more often than not, the woman is the one who gives.

In their book Glass Ceilings & 100 Hour Couples – What the Opt-Out Phenomenon Can Teach Us About Work and Family, authors (and working mothers) Karine Moe and Dianna Shandy highlight the growing trend of highly educated women who walk away from their rising star careers in order to focus on family.

I admit that it sounds nice. On days when I am in my car, taking my kids to daycare before going to work, I see other mothers waiting for the bus with their children and pushing strollers around the neighborhood and I sigh, thinking the grass is greener in the neighbor’s lawn. But I also know the reality – I’ve stayed home with three small kids for 12 hours at a time, and it’s no picnic. Stay at home moms work hard, too. So, what, then, is the answer? Through numerous interviews, research, and surveys, Moe and Shandy paint a picture of the road not taken for women on both sides of this decision. One constant that remained through all conversations, data, and feedback, is the 100-hour couples – the norm rather than the exception in America today – are most poised to fall off the tightrope and report the highest levels of stress.

100-Hour Couples and the Maternal Wall

The cost, lack of availability, poor quality and sometimes inflexibility of childcare present a huge barrier for professional couples and often cause issues when one or the other parent has to travel for work (often with little notice) or work late, when most childcare options are unavailable. Have a nanny? Lucky you. What happens when she is sick? Who misses work then? Have someone to clean your house? Great. Who manages that person? Moe and Shandy’s research indicates that it is usually the woman who assumes these burdens on top of other household responsibilities and her job. Add in an aging parent to care for, and you really have a recipe for a complicated, high-stress life. Do some women manage it all? Certainly, and now you have even more reason have a lot of respect for them.

Late to work because you were dropping the kids off at daycare? Have to leave early because your son is sick? How understanding is your boss? Highly educated, highly motivated women who spent their early careers working toward promotion, putting in long hours and hard work expected to break through the glass ceiling. Their careers were on the rise and all was going according to plan. Then they started a family and were broadsided by the maternal wall, “where parents, and predominantly mothers, are the victims of workplace bias on the basis of family responsibilities.”

Many of the women Moe and Shandy interviewed reported stalls in their careers due to the maternal wall. They either stayed at the same level, moved laterally, or moved downward. For many, this was the push they needed to decide to stay home. Moe and Shandy do report a number of women who relish the role of motherhood and planned to stay at home once they had a family all along, but out of their research sampling, these were the minority.

Leaving It All Behind – For Now

For those who are fortunate enough to have a choice (many households rely on a dual income), whether the husband makes enough to support the household, or the family severely tightens their belts, Moe and Shandy show that opting out of the workforce altogether for an extended period of time can have far-reaching consequences on a woman’s career and sense of self-worth.

Ever been to a party where you are introduced to another woman and once you’ve exchanged your nice-to-meet-yous, the discussion turns, at some point, to “So, what do you do?”? And your new acquaintance says, “I stay at home.” Is there a screeching halt to the conversation? Many women who stay at home told Moe and Shandy that they became invisible at social functions once they assumed the title of Stay At Home Mom. Admit it, much of your identity, of everyone’s identity, is wrapped up in what you do. Sadly, society does not always give credit to the work involved in being a full-time parent, and women who formerly had a high-powered “identity” struggled with their new status.

Some women never intend to go back, but for those who do, the authors cite many obstacles. Technology and skills may have changed, employers question employment gaps, and many women are simply unable to find employment again. The authors cite a Work Life Center survey that reports that only 75% of women were able to reenter the workforce again in 2004, and at that time, the economy was growing. Only 40 percent returned to full-time work. A 2005 Wharton study indicated that 50 percent of women surveyed who returned to work after taking a break to raise children said that they were discouraged by employers regarding opportunities to return to full-time work. In addition, wages are severely impacted not only when the woman returns to work, but for many years afterward.

Which Road to Take?

Moe and Shandy do an even-handed job of portraying the pros and cons of each path. So what’s their answer, you ask? Their aim was to “chart a path through the complexity of it all, presenting the options, the trade-offs, the realities, and the ideals.”

What I believe their data (empirical and anecdotal) showed, was that America needs to do more to support families, from better childcare options to flexible work options in order to encourage women workers who want to stay in the workforce, or return to it after taking a break to raise children. With women making up nearly half of the American workforce, companies can’t afford to ignore the education, experience, skill and potential they represent.

You’ll notice that companies who appear on Fortune magazine’s yearly list of the best companies to work for have a few consistent things in common: family-friendly atmosphere (sometimes childcare), flexible work arrangements, and (reading between the lines) a gender-blind eye toward advancement, among other attractive traits. Moe and Shandy echo this, saying, “If the employer was able to bend to the needs of the employee at key points in the life cycle, the company retained dedicated and talented employees. If not, the woman either walked away—taking her education, her experience, and her potential to help the company grow with her—or, she settled into a position that underutilized her skills and potential, without a possibility of getting back on track.”

In response to this growing exodus of educated, talented women from the workforce, some companies are implementing new policies to try to retain their mommy talent. IBM, PricewaterhouseCoopers, and Deloitte & Touche all have programs that allow women to take personal leaves for extended amounts of time to raise families, after which they can return to work without penalty. The authors, too, cited examples of new career programs at schools like Harvard, Tuck and Stanford geared toward mothers trying to reenter the workplace. Some schools even have “mommy MBAs” – morning-only programs for mothers with children in school. Some respondents talked about keeping their toes in the working world while raising their families by doing consulting or working part-time. This solution, more than any other, seemed to be the smoothest transition from rising star, to stay-at-home mom/consultant, back to working woman.

Moe and Shandy remind us that there aren’t just two sides to this issue, but that many factors go into deciding the best course to take to “balance” family and work. Hopefully their research helps you either make an educated decision, or be more content with your chosen path.

Ellen Leikind is the founder of POKERprimaDIVAS, a company that provides corporate team-building programs that teach women how to play poker and use what they learn at the table to enhance their business skills. She is also a successful marketing executive who spent more than 15 years in the corporate world working for several Fortune 500 companies. The more she played poker, the more she saw the similarities with the larger game of business and personal fulfillment. Her new book, PokerWoman: How to Win at Love, Life, and Business Using the Principles of Poker, positions the card game as a metaphor for life.

TGH: Why poker?

EL: I decided to take a break from my career and during that time, I started to play poker again. And that’s when I started to see the connections between what you need to play poker, and what you need to survive in the boardroom and have a rewarding life.

TGH: Did you see distinct gender differences in how men and women play poker?

EL: Absolutely! I noticed that in poker, women tend to play more passively than men, and they strategize and assess risk in a different way. Women tend to play to avoid losing rather than to win. They protect their chips in the game and men try to get as many chips as they can. Playing it safe may keep you in your comfort zone. But it insures that the best you will do is mediocre.

TGH: So, your new book is not a “how to play poker” instruction guide.

EL: No, it’s a guide to applying the principles of poker to achieve the professional and personal success you want. Life is a gamble in so many ways, and we’re often dealt cards we don’t like, or don’t know what to do with, so why not learn how to make the most of the cards you get?

TGH: Many women haven’t ever played a game of poker.

EL: That’s likely true, but I often say to women, “you’ve been playing poker your whole life even if you’ve never played a game of cards.” The game is about reading non-verbal cues, being aggressive and assertive at the right time, and understanding risk versus reward. There is a huge psychological component to it. And women need to feel entitled to take their seat at the table.

TGH: Give us an example of playing to win.

EL: I did a lot of research for the book, and discovered that many women have the skills within themselves, but need to recognize them and use them strategically. I included real-life anecdotes in the book from women who applied winning poker strategies to get a promotion, a new career or the right guy.

I love the story of Katie, who was miserable at her job due to an abusive boss. She knew if she went to management, she was risking being seen as not being a team player, but she was so unhappy that she felt she had nothing to lose and might actually get moved to a better job. Unfortunately, management sided with her boss. She left without a new job, but six months later found a much better position with a better salary. The lesson? She took a chance and believed in herself. While it looked like she lost in the short run, she wound up a winner.

TGH: What is the most important thing you have learned while playing poker?

EL: That poker is a game about people and personalities. It’s a lot like therapy, and the more you play, the more you understand what motivates yourself and others. There are many different types of poker games: some require endurance, and some the stomach to endure losing all your chips in one hand. You need to find the one that matches your strengths and your tolerance for risk.

TGH: So, different games require different strategies?

EL: Exactly. Poker teaches you that you cannot play the same hand the same way against all people. It really provides a sense of being more empowered about everything in life. Playing poker helped me learn how to lose, and then get back up and get back in the game; how to bluff and pick up on people’s subtle body language; and how perception is oftentimes stronger than reality.

I want to help women overcome their fears and doubts about business and life, and make them stronger.

Don’t let the chick-lit cover fool you. The Go-Getter Girl’s Guide: Get What You Want in Work and Life (and Look Great While You’re at It) may look fluffy, but it is full of hard-nosed advice about how to strategize each step of your career. Author Debra Shigley is a Harvard-educated journalist and lawyer whose work has appeared in numerous publications and has been featured as a career/lifestyle expert on The View, CNN, and in The Wall Street Journal, along with other media outlets.

Although the book is primarily geared toward women just starting out, Shigley’s advice holds true for women at any stage in their career – especially women who want to be more polished, more professional, and move ahead. Go-Getter Girl (GGG) is code for Type A personality, and The Go-Getter Girl’s Guide (GGGG) is filled with stories of highly-educated, highly-motivated, and high-achieving women.

Amidst the peach text and call-out boxes, Shigley sets the tone early with a chapter titled, “The Work World Can Be a Cold Hard Place – You Must Learn to Deal with It.” It’s true. Women do encounter issues at work that men do not. The GGGG discusses what to do if you have the occasion to cry at work and why it’s so important to maintain a sunny disposition no matter what (“fake it until you make it”). Other advice is common sense, but bears repeating, like not venting at work, avoiding gossip, and treating your coworkers with respect.

Navigating the business landscape is tricky, but Shigley offers some great tips for surviving office parties, networking, and developing good relationships with your coworkers, while at the same time excelling at your job, impressing the right people, and keeping an eye out for the next GGG opportunity to keep moving up. On the darker, colder side of the cubicle, Shigley cautions readers to remember that everyone is replaceable, sometimes coworkers are mean, and bosses can disappoint you. The best thing to do is to focus on what is within your control and to always act professionally.

Shigley devotes a large chunk of the GGGG to being fit, well-groomed, and flawlessly dressed. Sound superficial? Perhaps, but presentation is an important part of business. She demonstrates how to dress well on a budget—or really well if budget is no problem—eat healthy and exercise while traveling, and tells readers why everyone has to work hard at personal maintenance (because there is no such thing as natural beauty).

Now that you know the cold, hard truth about the workplace, you have some tools to maintain your professionalism, you know how to exercise, dress and pluck your eyebrows—the next step is to focus on your career.

• Keep learning
• Build a portfolio of mentors, allies and advocates
• Learn to negotiate (a major problem for women)
• Know when it’s time to move on to the next stage in your career

The best message in the book is about the importance of being nice. “Go-Getter Girls are self-aware and strategic, not selfish, spiteful or sneaky. Be pleasant, generous, cheerful, classy, and collegial. Offer to help people.” That is advice that bears repeating again and again. Shigley’s clear focus is on getting to the top, but her stories, examples, and advice all show hard work, planning, and sharp strategy without malice.

And after all is said and done – believe in yourself. Know your strengths and use them. You are a GGG.

Wondering what to put on your holiday gift list? Well, there’s always more space on the bookshelf for a great career-boosting book. Here’s our round-up of the best business books for women at work.

1. Go Put Your Strengths to Work: 6 Powerful Steps to Achieve Outstanding Performance by Marcus Buckingham.
   
   This is a practical guide to identify ‘what a strength is’ and how to put your strengths to work. “It is great for individual contributors and a powerful tool for managers looking to motivate teams and change the dynamic of the dreaded performance management discussion, which is so often focused on weaknesses,” says Camille Mirshokrai, Director, Global Leadership Development at Accenture. “This book is especially timely because Gen Y is focused on feedback, and this book can help managers channel that feedback in productive ways for the individual and the company.”
2. Code Switching: How to Talk So Men Will Listen by Claire Damken Brown and Audrey Nelson.
   
   Ever wondered why you make a point and it’s ignored, only for a man to make the same point and for everyone to think it’s the best idea ever? This book addresses the critical communication skills needed to bridge the credibility gap and get understood. “It is timely because only 10% of CEOs of Fortune 500 companies are women,” says author Audrey Nelson. “Women comprise only 17% of Congress. Finally, more women are in the workplace than men – due to the economy – at the moment.” A great book to hone listening and communication skills.
3. See Jane Lead: 99 Ways for Women to Take Charge – And Inspire Others to Follow by Lois P. Frankel.
   
   Carla Brooks, managing director at Commerce Street Capital, recommends this book. It talks about the changing face of the workplace and the rejection of hierarchical and typically male management structures in favour of behaviours such as matrix management and influencing. It could be controversial: the author argues that women are natural leaders in the new office order. Top tip from the book: “Get to the point. Women have the tendency to use far more words than needed when influencing. Begin your communications with the one statement you would want others to remember if you had only enough time to say that.”
4. Beyond the Boys’ Club: Strategies for Achieving Career Success as a Woman Working in a Male-Dominated Field by Suzanne Doyle-Morris.
   
   This book has a long title, but it’s my personal top favourite book of the year, because it is so practical. It is full of advice on how to get ahead, and while the case studies are from women working in male-dominated industries the points they illustrate are appropriate for all working women. “There comes a time, for many women, when they realise there is more to getting ahead than simply keeping their heads down and delivering a quality product,” writes Doyle-Morris. “You will be increasingly judged for the larger impact you are having through your relationships, your profile and your image.” The book reads like a personal career coach and while not all the author’s suggestions will click with everyone, you are bound to find something that you can do to help raise your profile, be more confident or get better connected.
5. Confessions of a Public Speaker by Scott Berkun.
   
   Taking on public speaking engagements can be great for your career and boosting your visibility within the sector. Even if you aren’t speaking to a conference crowd, the chances are you will have to give a presentation at work at some point, and not everyone feels comfortable standing up in front of others. Berkun’s book offers great advice to people giving large or small presentations, and it’s funny. He writes about the science of not boring people, how to work a tough room and the book also has a section on presentation horror stories designed to make your speech feel like it went really well. “It’s often the case that the things speakers obsess about are the opposite of what the audience cares about,” Berkun writes. “They want to be entertained. They want to learn. And most of all, they want you to do well.” Packed with tips on how to present effectively from picking a great title to managing the AV equipment on stage.

And if you don’t get one of these in your stocking over the holiday period, think about approaching your HR or training department to see if they have copies of these books that you can borrow – or maybe they’d be able to invest in some new publications if there is enough demand!

By Andrea Newell (Grand Rapids, MI)

“The first of 77 million baby boomers turned 60 in 2006, and every day, another 8,000 join them.” A large portion of the American workforce is reaching a stage of life where society considers them to be too old to work, yet lengthening lifespans make them too young to retire. They are simultaneously encouraged (or forced) to leave their midlife careers to make way for younger workers, while discouraged from drawing benefits by increasing Social Security age minimums and unable to go without income because of plummeting 401k values. Many take “bridge jobs” – retail positions with Walmart or Home Depot to span the years until they can retire completely. “Joseph Quinn, professor of economics at Boston College, estimates that as many as one-third to one-half of older Americans hold some kind of bridge job before retiring completely. Retirement, he observes, has become ‘a process, not a single event.’”

Marc Freedman, CEO of Civic Ventures, believes that while bridge jobs benefit both employers and employees, they shouldn’t be the only choice for “the largest, healthiest, best-educated population of Americans ever to move through and beyond their fifties.” As the author of Encore: Finding Work That Matters in the Second Half of Life, he outlines several compelling arguments for why 50+ knowledge workers should work longer (if they are able) and have an encore career – and how, as a society, we can only reap the benefits of boomers and future generations working longer and happier.

Giving Back, With Life-Experience and Education

Many baby boomers have worked their way up the ladder of success. “The goal now is to be able to stop climbing the ladder and start making a difference, to trade money for meaning, to have the latitude to work on things that matter most.” A 2005 MetLife Foundation/Civic Ventures New Face of Work survey found that boomers and pre-boomers want to do meaningful work, both now and in retirement. Several programs are already in place, including Experience Corps, Troops to Teachers, and IBM’s Transition to Teaching, that repurpose experience for the social sector.

Beverly Ryder was part of the first wave of African-American women to earn an MBA and move into higher-level management positions in the corporate world. After 30 years at Citibank and Edison, she left to become a superintendent in her ailing hometown LA school district. “’Education is the civil rights movement of the 21^st century,’ she says, resolutely.”

Many boomers have experience in human resources, marketing, or finance that non-profits and other sectors desperately need. The challenge is transitioning them into the social sector. This includes changing the perception of this age group of prospective employees and offering more programs for preparing for and finding meaningful work.

Additional education is required for some to qualify for their next career, but when that career could span more than a decade, more education can be justified. However, the higher education system needs to adapt to accommodate these students. Community colleges are beginning to play a big role, introducing curricula specifically for workers with previous education and experience. Ryder attended a 10-month program at the Broad Academy to prepare her to become an LA school superintendent.

Maintaining an Active Mind and Healthy Body

Freedman urges us, as a society, to let go of the idea of decades of doing nothing. Marketing slogans in the 1960s and 1970s sold workers on the idea of spending idle years in senior, utopian communities in tropical climates as the goal to aspire to, yet this was never the intent behind the advent of retirement and Social Security. “Social Security was intended to protect those who were frail, dependent, and unable to work, not to set up a significant segment of the population as a permanent leisure class.” For years the mindset has been that working is detrimental to your health and retirement is healthy, but Freedman presents evidence that extended work improves the physical and mental health of people later in life. Engaging your mind, concentrating on social connections, having purpose to life and loving what you do are the real ingredients of the fountain of youth.

At seventy-five, William Safire, New York Times columnist, titled his final column, “Why I’m Outta Here.” Safire had long bided by the advice of James Watson to never retire, “your brain needs exercise or it will  atrophy.” But advice from Bruce Barton finally trumped Watson, “When you’re through changing, you’re through.” So Safire left the New York Times to take a full-time job leading the non-profit Dana Foundationand begin a new chapter in his life, and the first controversy he tackled was that of life longevity. “If the body sticks around while the brain wanders off, a longer lifetime becomes a burden on self and society. Extending the life of the body gains most meaning when we preserve the life of the mind.”

An Economic Backbone or a Drain on National Resources?

Freedman opens his book with two views of 2030. In one, the boomers continue along the same path as today – retiring as early as possible and draining our country’s resources. In this vision, “spending on boomers’ pensions and health care has replaced nearly all investments in the nation’s future. Not only children, but the environment and the economy are suffering from these lost opportunities.” In the more optimistic view, boomers leave a virtuous legacy. In this view, encore careers are the norm, and boomers now function as the “backbone of education, health care, nonprofits, the government, and other sectors essential to national well-being.”

Social Security was signed into effect by Franklin Roosevelt in 1935, but at the current rate of consumption, it will be in the red by 2017, on life support by 2030, and declared dead by 2041, having lasted little more than a century. Our nation is already facing an economic and health care crisis. One of Freedman’s futures is only twenty years away. Which one will it be? Researchers at The Urban Institute’s Retirement Project state that “if most individuals work an additional five years – delaying their benefits and continuing to make their payroll contributions and regular income tax payments – the projected 2041 Social Security deficit would more than disappear.”

What does the future hold?

Freedman founded Civic Ventures, a San Francisco think tank on boomers, work and aging, in 1999. In the past decade encore careers is a topic that has surfaced in the media repeatedly. In recent years, it has been covered in such publications as BusinessWeek, Fortune, Kiplinger, and the AARP magazine. Encore is a well-researched, persuasive text that sets forth a solid argument for society to recognize the value of the 50+ workforce, and for the social and private sectors to utilize their knowledge and experience. Changes in health care and education would help smooth the path toward encore careers, and resources like Civic Ventures, Encore Careers, and Experience Corps can help people determine the best encore career for them and give them the support to pursue it. Encore and its subject matter becomes more relevant as each year passes.

It is an age-old question–what is the secret of success? In Outliers – The Story of Success Malcolm Gladwell sets forth his theory that success is a mixture of timing, talent, opportunities, circumstances, intelligence, attitude, cultural background, and hard work.

Supported by case studies and in-depth research, Gladwell uses examples ranging from youth sports to Beatles music, form Bill Joy and Bill Gates to the garment industry workers and New York lawyers, and from the Hatfields and the McCoys. His smooth, narrative style draws readers in as he marches through history, analyzes cultures and dissects parenting styles.

Gladwell argues that success must always be viewed in context. Timing, opportunities and circumstances play a huge role. The absence of one element could easily turn one on the road to success down a path to nowhere special.

He also emphasized that no one achieves success alone. Bill Gates would not have started Microsoft had he not had the access to a computer lab in the prestigious junior high school he attended. And Gladwell notes that success begets success. Once Gates was known for his computer prowess, more opportunities kept coming his way.

The impact of opportunity, timing and circumstances plays out in many unexpected ways. For example, youth hockey players with early birthdays, which make them older, stronger and more coordinated than players with birthdays in later months, tend to be singled out as talented at a young age and thus receive more coaching and practice than the other kids. This, in turn, leads to better skills and more success.

Which begs the questions: What if Gates hadn’t attended that junior high school? What if those players had been born months later? Gladwell argues that they would not have been as accomplished. “Success is less about talent than opportunity,” writes Gladwell

Good to Great in 10,000 Hours

Most readers would agree that the most obvious ingredient to success is hard work. Through his examples, Gladwell illustrates time and again the hours and dedication it takes to become not only good, but great at something. “Practice isn’t the thing you do once you’re good. It’s the thing you do that makes you good.” He concludes that the magic minimum number is 10,000 hours spent honing a skill, paired with the opportunity to capitalize on that skill before a multitude of others gain the same experience.

Gates had 10,000 hours of computer experience at a time when no one else had as much, and the founders of a subsequently high-powered New York law firm had 10,000 hours of specialized litigation experience before the rest of the legal community realized its value. By chance, the Beatles got an opportunity to play in Hamburg and gain dozens more stage hours than almost any other band at that time. “People at the very top don’t work just harder or even much harder than everyone else. They work much, much harder.”

Culture is an overlooked, but important element of both success and failure. Gladwell asserts that a person’s heritage and culture play a large part in determining a person’s path toward success or failure. Jewish garment workers who achieved success led to future generations of successful doctors and lawyers. Chinese wet rice farmers who toiled tirelessly all year round resulted in future generations of math wizards.

Gladwell leaves no factor unexplored, including parenting style and upbringing. He describes two geniuses in early childhood who showed similar potential: one had no support structure, no family involvement, no opportunities, and no encouragement and the other came from privilege, had involved parents, access into exclusive schools, and a host of opportunities. Although the non-privileged genius worked hard, he ended up owning a cattle farm near a small town with no academic audience for his ideas and insights, while the advantaged genius became the physicist who led the American nuclear bomb project during World War II.

Not only can parenting styles make or break success, but privileged children hold the greatest advantage, not only in education and opportunity, but also in attitude. Gladwell cites a study that asserts that the parents of poor children are intimidated by authority and teach their children to be as well, while higher income parents teach their children to be assertive and to expect respect from adults and peers alike. It also claims that poor parents aren’t as involved in their children’s education, while wealthier parents provide every learning opportunity possible.

Outliers: The Verdict

Despite some weak spots, Outliers is captivating and immensely readable. The majority of Gladwell’s examples are compelling and convincing. The one downside is that he delivers them in such an airtight manner that it may serve to discourage those outside Gladwell’s parameters from even dreaming of success, viewing it as an unachievable goal.

In the end, Gladwell’s ultimate message is one everyone can learn from:

“It is not the brightest who succeed…Nor is success simply the sum of the decisions and efforts we make on our own behalf. It is, rather, a gift. Outliers are those who have been given opportunities—and who have had the strength and presence of mind to seize them…To build a better world we need to replace the patchwork of lucky breaks and arbitrary advantages that today determines success…with a society that provides opportunities for all. The world could be so much richer than the world we have settled for.”

TheGlassHammer.com has 10 signed copies of the book to give away. To win, simply join The Glass Hammer social network and post a comment or discussion. The ten members who’ve posted the most thought-provoking comments/discussions win a copy of the book. This competition ends Friday, so join today!

Women occupy a special place in the City of London. There aren’t many of us, but the successful ones have overcome exceptional odds.

I started my financial career bright-eyed, with a suitcase full of hopes. I was looking for fortune, freedom, and maybe even love. And amazingly, I found it all, but not without some challenges.
Over my years in the industry, I’ve worked my way from middle office spreadsheet-cruncher to desk-smashing futures trader to old-school British financial consultant. I also watched the credit crisis grow from the inside, riding the wave from 2005 bonus buoyancy to 2008 “City layoffs” calamity.

And, along the way, I noticed some common challenges we City Girls were facing. At work, there was the harassment, discrimination and subtle exclusion of capable City women from the old-boy clubs of finance. I witnessed the double standards, the unequal pay, and the continuous pressure many women feel to exit the City altogether.

City Girls Struggle to Balance Home and Work Responsibilities

At home, we City Girls face additional pressures, as we are generally still responsible for the lion’s share of the housework. (Astonishingly, City Girls who have husbands or boyfriends also working corporate jobs admit to doing 90% of the cooking, cleaning, and social planning.) Indeed, it is the rare City couple that splits the chores equitably. Who knew that by breaking the glass ceiling, we’d be the ones sweeping up the glass? With pressure at home and at work (especially at work), it begs the question: can City Girls have it all?

Is Testosterone to Blame for the Current Financial Crisis?

Conventional wisdom suggests that women, generally speaking, are more intuitive, and not as aggressive or power-hungry as men. What I believe this means for City Girls is that they tend to be more consistent traders who don’t rack up huge losses as often as their male counterparts. We can test this theory anecdotally: how many ‘rogue’ or disgraced traders do you know who are women? Zero, right? And, so prompts the $700 billion question that has been the topic of much debate of late: Is testosterone to blame for the financial crisis? Of course, this is anyone’s guess but there seems to be some evidence that certain “male” traits appear to lend themselves to the high-risk practices in the industry that many believe led to the current abysmal state of the economy.

So what does the future hold for the City of London? I admit I have no answers. I am not offering up a cure to the world’s economic woes nor am I selling my own investment theories, experiences or pitfalls. I only offer a description of one woman’s adventures working inside a testosterone-laden industry and hope that it will serve as a guide to other City Girls, whether they are thinking of getting in, staying in, or getting out of the financial industry for good.

I caught up with film-makers Amy Sewell (Mad Hot Ballroom) and Susan Toffler to chat about feminism, leadership and their reasons for making the documentary. They are both highly engaging women and have explored interesting themes in this film highlighting different perspectives such as what children think of equality, having a female president, how father’s want the best for their daughters, and how generation Y is responding to the world around them.

Why did you make this movie and what impact are you trying to create?
Amy:

“One day my daughter asked me why girls cant ride motorcycles. When I asked her why she thought that, she answered that she had never seen a girl ride one. It struck me that if young girls never see women in leadership positions they will never think that one day they can be in one. This movie is to help little girls know where to start.”

Susan:

“We wanted to show that feminism is not a dirty word and it is wrapped around leadership and the ultimate leadership is the Presidency. It’s a marker in time. We want young women to see that they have a responsibility to grab an issue that is important to them and run with it. Having more women in public service will help get more women in the pipeline for leadership positions.”

Tell us about The White House Project and how you got involved with CosmoGirl.
Susan:

“Cosmo Girl is great. The Presidency can be talked about along side hair and make-up.”

Amy:

“We were very lucky to get to follow such a diverse group of girls for the project. Feminism used to be considered a white woman’s privilege to fight for. We need to be in this together- the pay gap from 77 cents to each dollar widens to 67 cents for black women and 57 cents for Hispanic women in this country.”

Watch this clip of “What’s Your Point, Honey?” and for more information or to support the documentary, buy DVDs or participate in the conversation visit the website.

Fast forward to March 2008: early in the month, I heard that Ms. Power was scheduled to speak at NYU about her new book, “Chasing the Flame,” a biography of Sergio Vieira de Mello, the United Nations envoy who was killed in a suicide bombing in Iraq in 2003. Since I saw her speak a few years back, I had informally followed her career and writing. She is a contributor to The New Yorker and when an issue arrived containing something she had written, that’s what I read first. I tuned in to PBS’s Charlie Rose when she was a guest. When I heard that she was an advisor to Barack Obama’s presidential campaign, I thought what a smart person he was to have someone as smart as Ms. Power advising him.

So, I called NYU to RSVP for the event and marked it on my calendar. A few days later, my husband asked me if I’d heard about the Obama advisor who had been dumped from the campaign team for saying that Hillary Clinton was “a monster.” He put a copy of the New York Post under my nose: “Isn’t that the author you really like?” Yes, there was a picture of Samantha Power and she was indeed the advisor who was dismissed from the Obama team. I realized then that the Monday night event might be more than just a book discussion and signing.

As detailed in the New York Times article by Cara Buckley, Ms. Power took the stage that night and said “I want to thank you all for coming out, in spite of me.” The comment made me sad. How could we not come to see her? She is one of most compelling speakers I have ever heard as well as one of best writers around. She tackles topics that make people uncomfortable (genocide) or slightly bored (a United Nations envoy) and makes them come to full, vibrant life. She obviously cares so deeply about what she writes and talks about that she can’t help but be honest. Is a political campaign really the place for someone like her? Maybe, and maybe not.

Anyone who follows politics knows that many people have been tripped up by things they said during the heat of a campaign. They also recover, and the world forgets. Ms. Power’s comment won’t derail her stellar career permanently, but she may be sidelined for a while. It’s a tragedy because she is just the kind of person the country needs right now – well versed in world affairs, honest, forthright, whip-smart – and those people really don’t fit well into the world of politics.

On January 20, 2009, I want a new president who will call Ms. Power and say, “Let’s forget the past – I want you to work for me because I need the strongest team possible.” Hopefully, this is not merely wishful thinking on my part. Meanwhile, I am reading my autographed copy of “Chasing the Flame,” and sometimes shedding a few tears because Sergio Vieira de Mello is no longer in this world, while sending silent thanks that Ms. Power is and is writing books.

Our top three …

• Nobu
• Bouley
• Chanterelle

Check out our reviews after the jump …

1. Nobu (105 Hudson Street, Tribeca) – A classic bastion of Japanese fine dining, the difficulty of getting a reservation here at lunchtime or any time is legendary. Still, if you can prevail upon your secretary to call them on speed dial as if she were voting for American Idol, then you too can partake of their life-altering miso black cod. This fish dish is sweet, savory and rich without feeling too fatty for lunch. Of course, the sushi is impressively fresh and varied. Try a few rolls or the o-toro tuna, or get an order of the chef’s Omakase (special recommendations of the day), if you are dining with adventurous eaters who like to share. The rolls are rather traditional—you won’t find any super-sonic fusion rolls here – but the fish is pristine. As for the hot appetizers, the popcorn shrimp and the creamy spicy crab are also delicious. In general, this restaurant works well for sharing with a group, as long as you get miso cod all to yourself. For dessert, the chocolate bento box with green tea ice cream will send you back to your office in a food coma, but it is completely worth it. If you’re in the mood for some of Nobu’s famous sushi, but don’t feel like dropping a big chunk of change, try Nobu Next Door, conveniently located … next door.
2. Bouley (120 W. Broadway, Tribeca) – This classic bastion of French cuisine is the perfect place to impress an out of town business guest, if you have a bit of time and money to burn. This restaurant is detail perfect, and creates the ideal balance between the hominess of a French country house and haute cuisine. You know you are someplace special when the bread cart comes around, and you have your choice of half a dozen or more fresh baked breads. The phyllo-crusted shrimp, squid and scallop dish is a seafood lover’s paradise. I don’t know what they put in the broth, but I think its crack-of-the-sea. (Try asking Jessica Simpson whether she thinks that’s chicken or fish.) In my opinion, the three course lunch tasting menu is an excellent value for $38 and provides more than enough food for even a hearty lunch eater, after you throw in the amuse bouche, multiple runs of the bread cart, and the three bonus desserts. However, try the 6 course, 2 entrée menu if you are feeling truly gluttonous. The menu changes seasonally, but the salmon with morels and the sucking pig (complete with details about the poor little guy’s diet in his final days) have recently been raved over. And for the ladies, if you weren’t full enough, you get a little (but rich and surprisingly heavy) pound cake to take home and eat as a snack if it turns out you have to work late. If you are not in the mood for full fanciness, or just crave a bite of Bouley, try Bouley bakery across the street, or Bouley upstairs for a more informal dinner.
3. Chanterelle (2 Harrison Street, Tribeca) – Also fancy, French and in Tribeca, but with a light airy dining room and a leisurely but formal pace of service. Chanterelle is perfect for hammering out the details of a complex deal or congratulating yourself on a job well done. Tables are widely spaced out, so you don’t feel crowded, but the lack of music in the dining room and high ceilings combine to create an eerie quite sometimes. So don’t be the three-martini lunch girl who tells an unfunny joke here. The menu changes every few weeks, but some past standouts have included crispy skate and seared duck breast. For $42 for the prix fixe lunch, you can enjoy a range of Chanterelle’s delicacies for much less than you would pay for dinner service. Desserts really stand out here, with creative sorbet and ice cream flavors, and deceptively light but rich confections like Valhrona milk chocolate and peanut butter dome with caramel ice cream.

Enjoyed these lunch recommendations? Have a few of your own to add? THG might not be the new Chowhound, but we still want to hear what you think about these restaurants and other business lunch hotspots, so don’t be shy with your critiques.